The List We Give People - MyThinkingProblem.com


DebV

Great topic Andy. As I've gotten older, I've had to tell people that I cannot be rushed or pressured because it will put me in great duress where I lose my presence of mind where I could lose my wallet or trip and fall or have some other kind of accident or mishap. So I've just started finding myself giving people my personal boundary lists, such as a new acquaintance whom I has trying to help, a homeless lady but when she became psycho in my home, I had to get her out fast.

Top of my list are the following: do not rush me, do not pressure me, do not yell at me, i refuse to argue with a drunk, do not kick my cat, wash your hands first if we're going to share the same pizza,

Things I'd like to add to my list: turn off your cell phone/ipad/smart-whatever while we talk or visit, tone down your cologne or better yet use none at all, perfumes and chemical smells are taboo, and I also hate the smell of pot, stop complaining because I hate cry babies, don't talk to me about what you heard on the news because they're all liars,

A relationship breaker for me is yelling, especially anyone who may yell at me in anger. We have new neighbors who will yell at me almost every time they see me step in my front yard. They're angry because I won't agree to let them erect a 6 foot fence on our shared property line, in my front yard that is against building codes plus they hate my trees and butchered them up on their side. Plus they're angry drunks and that's another boundary of mine. I loathe drunkards and refuse to waste my time talking with a drunk. They won't remember anything tomorrow anyways. I just tell them to shut up and go to bed. Sleep it off.

Before we were married when my fiance kept pressuring me to marry him, I repeatedly told him that "you really don't want to marry me because I AM NOT WIFE MATERIAL I have issues and don't have the ability to be a good wife." Plus I said that being fiances was such a sexy great thing and so romantic and that getting married would ruin all that. We'd never be able to be fiancees again just like losing one's virginity, one can't get it back again. Well, of course he prevailed and I soon loathed becoming automatically liable for all his pre-existing taxes and debts he didn't tell me about. Now with over 23yrs of marriage behind us, my honesty way back then about my lack of wifely aptitude when we were fiancees has been an marriage saver. He'll start to complain about a wifely failing or two, then he'll say, Oh that's right, you told me about that BEFORE we got married!

Lying is another biggie for me but I've had to become more flexible on this one as it seems almost everyone lies. A rule I laid down before we got married was "never lie to me." I can much better deal with the truth, no matter how difficult and I can forgive. But lying to me is almost unforgivable. Lie to me twice, three times max and that person will be out of my life,

Stealing is another one. If I know someone is a thief, I will have nothing to do with them.

My apologies Andy for rambling but your talk here about the lists we give people struck a cord with me.


Gadget

Fun, Thanks, Andy


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