Africa Girl Demands to Wash My Shirts
You need to stop torturing these poor girls by denying them the ability to be of use to you! They value themselves by their ability to cook, clean, wash and iron, care for a home and others. Really this is not just an African thing. I have had American girls demand to 'help' me by cleaning, mending clothes or other favors they thought me helpless to do. I think it is wonderful that they are accepting of you! While you think of yourself as a transient, you really become a member of the community and should be proud to be able to earn that status! Thanks for the videos!
We have two sides to every story, and this is what I feel you are saying, which is 100 percent correct. I have been reading, and thinking about the word "traumatized." as it is being used often right now in the media. The story for alcoholics in danger is the word "resentments." A resentment is a continual re-feeling of an anger, sort of reliving the feeling, the moment over and over. The sign of resentments is sort of a quick to be angry moment. I suppose there is some blunt force trauma when denial of reality is hit by the truth. None of this has to do with other people, I only need to care about my traumas and resentments, because the only person i can change is me. Rachida sort of ping my long-term resentment from dating girls in the USA who hit me on the head with the "do not treat me with any women stereotypes from 100 years ago." Walking on eggshells problem does have me angry at the USA. Which, is a big reason why expats travel abroad, or live abroad. Yet I am 100 percent responsible for the resolution of my resentments, traumas, and angers and do not need to go find someone to punish. Thanks Walking Stick, please understand, carrying my clothes to the girl inconvenienced me, but was worth it.
Yup, female privilege is an interesting thing. The culture in the USA is confused, I think women are not sure themselves whether they want to be "equal" to men, to be help maidens to them or to dominate them. It's a mystery I've never been able to figure out. I think it iswhatever is their convenience and whatever men are able to tolerate. I think you did the right thing. I Think it was the path of least resistance.
HAHa!!! Another day in the life of a traveler. Not just women that treat you this way so does the Mom here in the little village in Indiana. I baked 168 cookies today and 3 pumpkin rolls telling myself that they are for all the Christmas dinners because I know you will not eat hardly anything with sugar in it. That is good but I still found myself making peanut butter cookies along with other kinds because you loved them as a kid. I also was hanging up the shirt you ordered when you was visiting last time. Put it in the bedroom our whole family calls Andy's Room. No wrinkles in your Chubby Shirt advertising the best little eating place in Orland. The same the world over!!!
When two people share food, time, space together, it is a partnership.And inevitably one person has more power, maybe one has more money, maybe one partner is more committed, trying to listen, feel, and understand the other person is the challenge. It make me sad to think that people think rich me, and poor her is like me helping her. It is can be extremely cruel to give another person hope if not sincere. Yet, I do know that men can love the power of having all the money, and women can take children away from the man as power. It appears that all this is about each other appreciating each other. And with Mom Graham, I truly love, and appreciate my Mother and Father. Yet, I do not think Rachida wants appreciated, she wants to know that she is of value to me. I think there is a difference.
I am working on my Mama Says project, I am 100 percent sure nobody in Africa gives a crap about it, unless they can profit by it. They will never appreciate me giving them knowledge, and books, they expect the foreigners to give. It is like expecting billionaires to pay a higher percentage in taxes, we have a graduate tax, this is what Africans expect, they expect those with money to pay for them without, there is no guilt, and for sure no appreciation.
The longer one lives around poorer people, the longer one is rich, around poorer people, the more I know the goal is not to look for appreciation because one finally realizes true beggars do not appreciate the help. The ones that dig out probably do, but that is such a small percentage, that not even possible.
So, maybe I am giving hope to her, we are negotiating, but trying to listen is my goal, and empathize with her needs, wants, and hopes, without expecting her to appreciate my confusions. I will give my Mother my clothes to wash. There are pounds of flesh, pounds of emotions often demanded in return for any favor done. I think the goal is to give freely, and never calculate the pros and cons, the cost and benefits, just hope she is happy in the way that makes her happy, not me. I am happy, I watched her cooking spaghetti in the dark, making sauce by flashlight, it was painful for me who has so much, and she is singing while she cooks in the dark.
I am grateful. And for sure, me seeing this type of thing, and seeing what is happening in the USA right now is hard for me also, I want everyone be grateful, there are real problems in life. Breaking any laws, with premeditation is violence, we need to be grateful.
I am leaving Togo soon, so I am sort of sad, I am not rich either.