I am a person that sabotages success, it is part of my alcoholic dysfunctional behavior, no matter what I do, I must accept that it is possible for me to take extreme success and wash it down the drain. (I have not drank alcohol for 18 years.)
Money is easy to make and easy to lose, not a good measure of success, but the normal world measure.
200 Newsletters, this is not a blog, I have posted on the blog about 2100 times I think about that number. The blog is extremely easy to do, takes little thought and is just a rambling by me.
My newsletter goes out now to about 12,000 person, when I send it, it is becoming increasing difficult to become motivated enough to write, this is because of the blog. I spend my brain on the blog, now it detracts from the newsletter.
Ah, it is not the writing that is difficult, it is the captions on the photos. I despise putting captions under the photos. The camera is now so advance, IF I wanted, I could take and put up 100 pictures per day easily, but I cannot automate the captions that explain the photos. Maybe one day voice recognition and typing of what I say will advance where it is faster than me typing. I have tried the Dragons Speaks Softly and it is annoyingly slow compared to me typing.
I was in Midland, Michigan, in a complete alcoholic haze, sleeping on one the sofas you buy for 25 dollars. Too many beer cans around, half full, full, empty, upside down, never sure when I started one, or finished a can. I tried to not do the fast rush of whiskey because it was dangerously close to making me or anyone think they are invincible. Beer was slower and did make the brain crazy as quick, less like for me to get in trouble. An alcoholic is reasonable, they will work for days and years to protect there ability to have a high.
OK, I was on the couch, the Television was blaring, it does not stop itself, it just continues to make noise. It is hard on the senses, I was passed out, and the noise continued. Please shut up TV, but for sure do not shut off, I need to hear noise, maybe music, anything but my own thoughts, if I listened to my own thoughts to long I would go mad and harm myself. I needed to stop my brain, whether with alcohol or with a movie, or with noise, conversation, anything to avoid being alone with me.
Note, I do not know where I am going with this… hehehe
Ok, I am on the couch, there is one of them documentary, interview the success in business, tell the secret of success in one sentence on TV.
He said, - The job of management is not to manage, it is to remove the obstacles to success. -
Annoying when you hear a profound statement in the middle of a great I feel sorry for myself, why doesn’t someone put me out of my misery epic in your life.
Oops, what a bunch of dirty laundry, everyone will know, I am not a perfect person.
What have I done in the 9-10 years of my travels, what I have done in 200 newsletter, not much really.
I know that all travelers all person that leave the safe havens of home, the comfort of being the same with everyone, are probably running away from something. I once heard, said, or came to know, a person must continue to travel until they know why they are traveling.
I think what I wanted to do by leaving my home, was to find a place or way whereby I did hurt anyone, and mostly myself. I did not want to let anyone down again, I wanted to escape the eyes of my friends when they saw me fail. Remember, I sabotage success, I do not succeed, I go to any lengths to guarantee failure. I do not deserve to succeed.
Someone complimented me on writing sarcasm, I am not sure sarcasm is a good writing technique…
Ok, I do think brutal honesty is.
Something like exposing my insides, making a window for people to see themselves.
Penance for sins, forgive me, forgive others, is difficult, - the road to salvation is long and narrow, like a razors edge.- Somerset Maughn from the movie with Bill Murray, called the - Razors Edge. - I guarantee I boshed a lot of that quote and reference… hehehe so sue me.
--------------------------- Maugham, W(illiam) Somerset (1874-1965), English author, whose novels and short stories are characterized by great narrative facility, simplicity of style, and a disillusioned and ironic point of view. Maugham was born in Paris. ---------------------------
Rats, born in Paris, hard keep up the cynical stance on Frenchies. Look what I discovered free money for travel --------------------------- Somerset Maugham Award This literary award in the United Kingdom was created by W. Somerset Maugham in 1947 for young British writers (under the age of 35) to spend on foreign travel. The prize (£3,500 to each winner, equivalent to about $5,700) is awarded annually in May by the Society of Authors.
Ok back to the failure, what maybe I have succeed in doing is living for 9-10 years without doing anything I should keep my mouth shut about for fear of reprisal from the angry voice of righteous indignation, who would wish to say, we are better than you, you are lesser.
I am never sure, could be certifiably crazy, it is the catch 22 of life, the crazy do not believe they are crazy. I person know at one time they put me in a hospital for 30 days. They committed me because I was crazy,
My family and friends are waiting for me to go crazy again, I suppose so am I, but I will delay it until I die.
What are the obstacles to a hobo succeeding… hehehe. A hobo does nothing but survive, nothing more is needed for a hobo to be a success. One meal a day, a place to flop, not to be beat over the head with a broom to get off the doorstep. That is success, to not be beat by someone, to keep the old pride intact, to not give them the happiness of seeing you fail.
I love to annoy the travel writers of the world. I am terrible at grammar, cannot see a sentence fragment if it was hitting me in the face. I think I am dyslexic, I cannot see, feel, or know when I make a mistake, maybe I can feel them, but to correct them is impossible for me, I do not have the God given or maybe he took it away to make me work harder, whatever, the bottom line is I cannot write.
Mastery, I look to be the master of something, I know my self-esteem is contingent upon me being the master of something.
I am the master of hmmm… let me count.
7.5 things, one is only half mastered, these are the things in my life I would say I am an expert.
Writing is not on the list, it is how I make money, but the biggest failure I have ever done.
I have successfully avoided putting captions on the photos I have taken by using the excuse. I am typing a blog post, really I am talking to myself, a sign of crazy persons.
But the line between crazy and something else is on a small precipice, we can jump off and become what we want whenever we wish.
Note, I read the book the Razors Edge, not so simple, better to rent the movie with Bill Murray in it, he is fabulous. I am told he extorted the producers of Ghostbusters 3 into making the movie, by saying, I will do Ghostbusters 3, if you make the movie - The Razors Edge. -
I think I am around the 40 level, I have watched the movie about 40 times, it my all time record for one movie, and I can say, I still cannot figure it out, but I am sure it is profound.
DARK PATHS I was off on a thread reading about Somerset Maugham and the Razors Edge, now I am lost. The Encyclopedia talks about the movie, I discovered an article about it, but it is referencing a movie, - Released in 1946, this drama stars Tyrone Power as Larry Darrell.
Larry Darrel is played by Bill Murray I hope, in a REMAKE, I think, I am never clear, impossible to research from TOGO, I am in the middle of Africa, the internet is there, but I lack the motivation.
Maybe I am completely wrong, another failure, it is a razors edge, and those whom think they are correct, fall off. Humility, I am human, weak, and fragile, I can be destroyed so easily, many time with just a few words. But today, I am a huge success, I can afford to buy a cup of coffee, and I have a fan in my room.