Shame accumulates and resides in the subconscious mind.
Example of Toxic Shame Cycle:
1. SHAMEFUL ACTION
A person does something that is socially unacceptable, like beat their wife, commit adultery, get drunk and puke on floor, etc.
2. HIDE FROM FRIENDS
The person who committed the shameful action hides from the his or her friends who witnessed the event.
3. SEGREGATE FRIENDS
The person tries to keep friends who know from those who do not know, so they cannot discuss his or her shameful action the segregate their friendships.
5. THE SHAMEFUL PERSON FORGETS SHAME
After about three months the person slowly forgets, water passes under the bridge, everyone looks the other way and all is forgot, forgiven and life goes on.
6. SHAMEFUL ACTION IS REPEATED
Now that all is safe, the friends get together, the shameful person does the same action again and this will continually repeat.
I have friends that act like jerks, and then proceed to hide from me for about three months.
When the pressure of shame builds up, sometime a person opts to perform a geographic cure, they may move to another location, even a new country because,
“Life would be different if I left the problems that caused this.”
The Philippines is a great place for people who feel great shame, nobody is going to challenge you, ask you to stop, even focus on. There is a gentleman’s agreement,
“I will not talk about you, if you do not talk about me.”
Observe both the Expats and the Filipino people, there is a flame burning under the surface.
MY Niger Shame, - The Shame of Passing Judgment, - Flying Blind with Shame and Pride, - Traveling Without Shame