Toxic Shame Cycles

Toxic Shame Cycles
I would be negligent if did not tell a small story about shame while here in the Philippines because shame an inherent part of this culture.

Hiya = Shame Much of what Filipinos do and don't do is motivated by the avoidance of hiya.

Amor proprio = Face Filipinos try very hard to avoid making other people lose face in the slightest.

Malate Ermita Mabini Philippines
Southeast Asia
Sunday, September 27, 2009

Buy the Same Gear as Andy uses… Sold at three times the price, sorry.


Shame accumulates and resides in the subconscious mind.

Example of Toxic Shame Cycle:

A person does something that is socially unacceptable, like beat their wife, commit adultery, get drunk and puke on floor, etc.

The person who committed the shameful action hides from the his or her friends who witnessed the event.

The person tries to keep friends who know from those who do not know, so they cannot discuss his or her shameful action the segregate their friendships.

After about three months the person slowly forgets, water passes under the bridge, everyone looks the other way and all is forgot, forgiven and life goes on.

Now that all is safe, the friends get together, the shameful person does the same action again and this will continually repeat.

I have friends that act like jerks, and then proceed to hide from me for about three months.

When the pressure of shame builds up, sometime a person opts to perform a geographic cure, they may move to another location, even a new country because,
“Life would be different if I left the problems that caused this.”

The Philippines is a great place for people who feel great shame, nobody is going to challenge you, ask you to stop, even focus on. There is a gentleman’s agreement,
“I will not talk about you, if you do not talk about me.”

Observe both the Expats and the Filipino people, there is a flame burning under the surface.

MY Niger Shame, - The Shame of Passing Judgment, - Flying Blind with Shame and Pride, - Traveling Without Shame

Toxic Shame Cycles


Well creative adaptation to the traditional explanation of "DOUBLE STANDARDS" prevalent in Catholicism and true to your somewhat frictional way of expressing yourself. Having a conversation about such issues as "TOXIC SHAME" is about as productive and entertaining as conversations about any religion or politics- - BORING! One thing my wife and I have in common is our COMPLETE DISTRUST for ALL ORGANIZED RELIGIONS and though neither of us find Roman Catholicism worthy of worship I for one LOVE the CATHOLIC CULTURES be they Irish, Polish, French, Italians, Brazilians, Latinos or Filipinos because they are VERY human oriented compared to Protestants who LOVE their pets more than other human beings, LOVE to work, LIVING TO WORK rather than WORKING TO LIVE rather than enjoying the basic PLEASURES IN LIFE! So if such characteristics like SHAME are considered TOXIC then BY ALL MEANS GIMME SOME MORE OF THAT POISON any day of the week but keep those hardworking "HONEST" WASPS away from me.


Danny, how?
Amor proprio
= Face Filipinos try very hard to avoid making other people lose face in the slightest.

Change is difficult when a culture refuses to say,
"You are screwing up."

In Japan, they go home and work all night, here they just get angry, nothing.. and more nothing.