Hey Andy, A week ago you were bitchng about the lack of manners here in the Philippines and my first reaction was, Huh, Say WHAT?? cause you'd included Henry David Thoreau's "Walden" amongst your favorite books. In one book I read, Thoughts of Thoreau I remember one chapter which started with a one-liner something like, "Some people who are always courteous and polite when speaking with others are referred to as mannerly while others who do not speak truthfully are referred to as LIARS" meaning mannerly people are LIARS in disguise to me. So I wondered what's up with your attitude? Anyway generally speaking when asked direct questions Asians, including FIlipinos'first reaction is to lie or avoid answering by changing the subject. It use to bug me alot also but then sometime in my 40s I realized that they follow the axiom, "the TRUTH HURTS" so consider it more morally upright to lie. In a way whoever who demonstrates this type of behavior is considered MORE CIVILIZED. Very similiar to the English compared to Americans and very similiar to the higher Income / educated levels of American society compared to the majority also. Though I have accepted this behavior and no longer judge it as wrong it doesn't come natural to me. A few years ago I realized that I AM a PEASANT and prefer being one rather than a mannerly civilized human being. I like being CLOSE to my ANIMAL NATURE and instinct enjoy allowing my often savage frankness to voice itself without meaning any harm to others. I maintain that if I have no intentions of hurting others no premeditated thought of causing others discomfort, pain or suffering then my KARMA is FREE from evil. My daughter would counter, "but Papa if you accidentally run over someone with a car although you didn't mean to and the person is still dead". Which brings us to another topic of debate, when a comment is made and one person is hurt or feels uncomfortable WHO is responsible? the person who made the comment or the person that for some reason, some inner psychological "baggage" can't deal with such a comment and CHOOSES to FEEL PAIN????
I care about other people, you discussion focuses on all sorts of ways to lie and why.
When a person lies, he or she hurts themselves, they lose respect for themselves, as I am sure you know, Filipino and Expats here in the Philippines can spout long saying of how they are good, then turn around and do the opposite.
The Philippine people say Politically Correct comments, then do the complete opposite. They do not hurt me, they permanently damage themselves. All talk that comes out of a persons mouth is who they are, even if they do not do the behavior, a lie coming from your month means you are liar. It is dysfunctional to weasel your way out of it, liars do lie.
A relationship that functions is when both parties trust each other.
A functional person is easy to know, understand and transparent, life is not a popularity contest. Are you the most respectable person you know, do you have shame for what you do? Toxic shame is what defines the Phlippines culture, this is why it so easy to get the Filipino and Expats angry, they know they are doing bad, and do not want anyone to point it out.
Do I trust you Bill?
Do you care if I trust you?
Do my readers think I am liar?
Do you think I am a liar?
I am always laughing when I come to the Phlippines, the people who come along while I am here, or the ones that have been here assume I am doing all the things they do or want to do in the Philippines. This country is just another country along the way. Chuck destroyed my love of walking around Robinsons Mall here in Manila. He told me that the men who want cheap prostitutes walk around the malls. I just like walking around the mall, I now know the readers think this is code talk for saying I am trolling around the mall.
No, I like walking around the mall, just fun to walk around, there is no secret code, how a reader reads or comments makes me know who they are, I can see patterns.
Sounds sort of like "Right and Wrong" are considered "Black and White" to you reminds me of growing up with "George Washington could not tell a lie after he cut down the cherry tree" . Also sounds like very American judging others by there own proclamation of what's the ONLY proper way of dealing with life's many trials and issues. Reminds me of my parents' narrow "holier than thou" way of judging others through their own particular translation of Judeo-Christian morality. I also find such common, almost universal American attitudes amusing when verbalized with such candor. Reminds me of a popular sign hanging in small business locations, "in God we Trust ALL others pay CASH" . I don't really care about who chooses to lie or appointing myself as a judge to distinguish who lies or what statements are false, all I know is it's too much work for me to lie and I don't care about who I offend by being honest. But then again there's no reason to state ALL one's thoughts when many can be frictional making other people stressed or hurt. It took me until I was 40ish before I could forgive my parents for their shallowness and deception. I realized that they had LIED to themselves a THOUSAND TIMES MORE each day they woke up than to anyone else and if asked they'd stand up and DENY they EVER LIED.
Choosing to move onward is fine and you're absolutely right, the Philippines as any other nation IS WHAT IT IS and its people ARE WHO THEY ARE. But maintaining a superior, I AM IN CONTROL OF MY OWN DESTINY type of attitude so when too many people one encounters rubs one the wrong way in any one country then one chooses to move along and away from anything which isn't interesting and non-confrontational seems to me as somehow lacking adventure and self -realization. Reminds me of American G.I.s who often say, "yah I did Germany, I did korea, I did the Philippines" when they lived on American military bases aka American "islands" located around the world. But in this case one's BRAIN/ THINKING/ATTITUDE is the "American Island". But for zillions of people it seems important to identify with a certain nation, adopting and firmly remaining loyal to its cultural opinions about ALLOTHER NATIONS and THEIR PEOPLES.
For me, ever since I was quite young I loved to have my own attitude and experiences challenged by other people and other cultures rejecting some of its influences only after careful thoughtful introspection and embracing others which seemed better than my own principles and attitudes. And this in a nutshell is why I am motivated to type such long posts on your forum regarding your views.