Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?
I am living with an Ivory Coast girl here in Ghana, West Africa. And for sure, I am the middle of a muddle; there are no obvious truths to grab onto while I float clear of the debris of unclear thoughts.
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A relationship is something we do, until something better comes along.
Ghana, West Africa --- Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Ideal Marriage
I think people should get married at age 16 and quickly have three children, and name them all after the parents. This is the best formula for a long and beneficial marriage, this allows to children to create interdependent needs that fuse the two people together.
I took a long pause, and thought about this, while doing so, Bah requested,
"Andy, turn off the fan, I have sniffles."
Whether this is rational or irrational is not important to me, I decided to sacrifice and shut off the fan, I am hoping she will compromise later and not complain when I turn it back on. There is a common belief among Africa cultures that wind from fans, or air from an open window causes sickness, I think this is the belief that is influencing her request.
She is hell bent on changing me, which is humorous to me; she gave me a lecture last night. I finally told her, please stop or "Je Jette," I throw you out of my life. Of course, she doe not want to hear this, and I do not like to say this, but in reality, it is the unspoken reality of all relationships,
"See no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil."
I just want her to know in a fair world, if you make my life unenjoyable, I will leave. Life is as simple as that, no more, no less, and I do not have the luxury of living subconsciously in the grasp of a see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil world.
Negotiating over our Relationship
I truly enjoy reading comments from Americans, and talking with Americans about relationships. The USA is the epicenter of the belief in a love story, by movie, by song, by talk, the USA culture and people refuse to negotiate a relationship in real terms. The USA wants to negotiate marriage, love and mating in using terms explained in love songs.
There are three areas of negotiations in a relationship: Sacrifices, Compromises and the soul mate or "Love Song."
The Cost of a Relationship
Sacrifice: The giving up of something valued: a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody or something else considered to be of more value or importance
Compromise: And agreement: a settlement of a dispute in which two or more sides agree to accept less than they originally wanted.
Soul Mate: Somebody close to somebody else: somebody with whom somebody else naturally shares deep feelings and attitudes.
What is amazing to me is that people give value to sex, it is 100 percent free. When a person travels long enough, far enough, they will realize it has no value worth putting on the table as something to negotiate over. On the other hand, beauty does have great value, beautiful people are nice to be with, and all doors are open to beautiful and healthy people.
Friends Hangout Together
Hangout Defined: Less serious than getting together or dating. Spending time with someone in the context of friendship or in the context of casually exploring whether you like someone as just a friend or maybe more than a friend.
It is a petty to quibble whether a person is an acquaintance, friend of a lover. I remember a person annoyingly belittling about my friends in Haiti.
"My friends in Haiti died in the earthquake."
This caused great concern, because somehow true friends died, I then said,
"We did not speak the same language, we never talked."
The person said,
"This is not your friend."
"I hanged out with these people for four weeks, they are my friends."
"I cared enough about them to share my time."
The giving of time, the sharing of time, the ability to give time is how I weigh all my friendships, loves, and acquaintances. I instantly become suspicious when I need to negotiate:
7. How much money?
When someone says, "Why are you calling?" I know it is time to hang up…
I often start talking or dealing with friends of business associates than I have this internal dialog,
"This is too much work."
I now that I am negotiating over the above too much, the person has put to many stumbling blocks on my path, and it has become too much work.
I could write for days about how to have a friends, lovers, and/ or whatnot, and in the end it always comes down to my desire to have people to hang out with, I want people who care enough, be ready, wiling and capable of hangout out with me in my life.
If they can do that, then we may become friends.
People often go on and on about how they love something, and then I ask them to go hang out at the place, situation or with the people, and that is when I know the truth.
Let us go visit Krakosia
Bah wished to go visit the country of Krakosia, we watched the movie "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks in it and she truly liked this guy Victor Navorski from Krakosia. She asked,
"Can we go to Krakosia?"
This is my kind of woman, she instinctively smelled a good place, and wanted to go visit. Which is funny, she has zero desire to go visit the USA, and wants to live in Ivory Coast. There is always a muddle in the road, and I like to jump in puddles.
Scavenger Hunt in Ho, Ghana
Today is Sunday, April 10, 2011, and as of today, nobody has figured out there is 100 U.S. dollars to be claimed in Ho, Ghana. Scavenger Hunt
Bathing Baby in Ghana
My life is rather easy and wonderful today, each day, my life is good. Not because I have a soul mate, there is no deep understanding of me, and I am clueless to figure out what motivates her. I on the other hand like to hang around with her, I do not think about how to escape. She is happy to be with me, and I am happy to be with her, which is good.
There is a requirement in some cultures that we must talk with people to do business. First, you have to sit down, talk, share a tea together, and then after there is some friendship shared, it is possible to do business with criminals.
I am grateful today to have the time to be friends with the smallest of our world inhabitants. Like Bah says,
"You say hello to everyone, this person, that person the chickens and the dogs."
Is Marriage a Sacrifice or Compromise or Soul Mate?