Desperate Moves in Ghana to Find Happiness
Another try, and again it did not work...
I am rather desperate today; I need to use some extreme measures in an attempt to escape frustration. The thought of flying to the USA, Thailand, or the Philippines has become a real possibility, I am emotionally fried. Donald Lee made the comment on the prior post recommending I "H.A.L.T." this is good advice. And because I am Hungry - Angry - Lonely - Tired, I need to "Halt." Generally when a person Halts, they are already in a place that is good, and they have made themselves crazy by doing too much, and they just stop.
I care very much about Bah, I truly feel she is a good person, loving and caring in many ways, however she is still a girl from the Ivory Coast at heart. She has no desire to become American or live in the USA, she loves being African.
We will probably meet again in a few months, if there was not a small war in Ivory Coast, I could go live in the Grand Bassam close to her and not need to live with her. We are not meant to live together and travel, we have not negotiated, adapted, and accepted each other sufficiently to share the same room 24 / 7.
I will travel today to Cape Coast, then probably Accra, Africa is annoying, there is always the need for a Visa hanging over my head in Africa, with no guarantee they give me one or for how long.
I Need my Hotel Room to be the USA
I am separating from Bah today, I am going travel to somewhere and Halt. It does not matter how much I care of feel for her, when she is in my room, I must live with the African culture. When there are two distinct cultures in a room, there is culture shock or cultural clash, I have had many discussions with women over the years, and have said many times,
"This Hotel room is the USA, outside is your country."
Elubo, Ghana West Africa --- Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The wikipedia page on Culture Shock is good, it explains culture shock, however, just because I know and understand something, does not mean can I avoid the feelings or frustrations.
1. Honeymoon Phase
- romantic, wonderful and new.
2. Negotiation Phase
- differences become apparent anxiety feelings of frustration and anger.
3. Adjustment Phase
- grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines
4. Mastery Phase
- participate fully and comfortably culture.
5. Reverse Culture Shock --- Going Home
Returning to one's home culture
The above stages of cultural shock all assume you are not moving, and that the variables to accept or adapt too, do not change from day to day. I am in the Negotiation Phase with Bah, and I am defeated, she has beaten me, her African culture has me so frustrated and angry, I must leave.
Ways of Adapting Outside are not Acceptable Inside a Hotel Room
I am good, I am in the mastery level of dealing with West African culture outside my room, I know how to become casual friends, talk peacefully, and how to keep the truly unacceptable people away from me. However, inside the room, I cannot and will not use the same tactics against a person I care about. When I am outside the room, if I sever acquaintances from my life, I do not lose, normally I enhance my life. Generally, life is like this, if you remove all the bad from your life, what is left over is great; I can do this while roaming around West Africa or the World.
Trust me, as much as Bah annoys me, I am annoying her also, I am not accepting her culture and becoming African. She wants me to eat Fufu, she wants me to eat Fish with her, she wants me to share, and I refuse to share many African things with her. She does not eat Western Food, and I will not eat African Food, this means it is hard to eat in the same restaurant. We normally go buy her food, then we buy something for me, and we return to the room, but I am hungry, the food in West Africa is difficult.
When she is not around, I can work my way to the food I want fast, with her, she wants me to settle and accept, I end up hungry. African culture is a blunt object, there is no subtle, slow or understanding, there is no patience, they say brutishly when buying,
"Do you want it?"
There is no soft sell, sales pitch, it is primitive and brutish, and being a bully is effective way of people management.
Alpha Male or Alpha Female
Africa is about domination, either I dominate another person, or they will dominate me, there is seldom mutual respect. It is territorial, I can do this with ease, not a problem, and I can dominate most people outside the room.
An Alpha Female inside the room is my problem, how to convince a person to stop. I will use the food situation, because it is easy to relate too, and understand. She continually wants me to eat Fufu; hardly a day goes by where she does not say,
"Eat the Fufu."
I do not do this, I do not become a bully or brute even though I know it works with friends, I do this with Africans outside the room ---- What do you do when the question or prompt never ends? You must scream or attack the idea into a person head, you must ram it done their throats.
"Stop, I am not going to eat Fufu."
Assimilation into Cultures
There is nothing warm and cuddly when a culture is trying to assimilate into their culture, there is a balance to found or else they will ostracize me from the culture. I am strong, but presently I feel as if all of Africa is ganging up on me, I have two choices,
1. Attack back
I am going to leave, I learned a long time ago, that attacking back is not love, it is some sort of dysfunctional and co-dependent hooks that create emotional scars. She does not intuitively stop when she is pushing; the only way to stop her is to strike back emotionally. There is nothing strange or odd about Bah, she is a normal African person who has spent the last 24 years of her life dealing with situations in this manner.
Screaming is Normal, talking Soft is Not
I am not going to scream and holler at her to get her attention, and I refuse to allow her to scream or holler at me as a normal way of talking. It does not matter if I love her, care for her, or if she loves me or wants me, this is a cultural difference.
I am willing and enjoy getting up close and personal with people outside the room, and dominating the locals. They are easy, they are not too sharp, it is just two bulls knocking head to them, while I have a large computer in my head, that plans and is premeditated, I do not react, I plan.
If I were talking to my Mother in Indiana, I would say,
"Mom, I am tired of Bah snapping at me."
This is the normal way African talk with each other, they snap at each other, when I find myself snapping at another person, I go to my room and stop talking with them. We have reached an impasse, she truly does not understand that she is snapping at me, she believes this is normal talk, I am leaving, my nerves and brain is overwhelmed, it is overheating from attempts to find solutions, and she does not see a problem.
I am not a person to snap at, I will leave you in a heartbeat, I do not need people, and I only want them in my life. I have many friends, the relationships are not needy, they are respectful, and we exchange idea and compare notes.
I am going to find a place where I can use Skype.com to call all my English-speaking friends and talk for hours without end, at 2 cents per minute, I can always afford this. I suspect I will end up in the Tarso Hotel in Ho, Ghana, it is peaceful, and I am able to have the USA in my room, and Africa is way outside.
My Ghana Visa ends on February 24, I must leave Ghana by that date, I cannot renew it, or get a new one in Lome, I will leave Ghana for sure by that date.
Desperate Moves in Ghana to Find Happiness