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How to confuse people


Hobo Travel Tips
By Andy the HoboTraveler.Com

ISSUE:  068
DATE:  May 11, 2002
TIP:  How to confuse people
LOCATION:  Peru

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~ TODAY’S TRAVEL TIPS

HEY MISTER
Pronounced MEEEESTER

HOW TO CONFUSE PEOPLE
(With your native language)
Or irritate me.

Read the phrases below?
Do you see the problem?
I know you want to learn how to Curse, Cuss or
say profane words in Spanish.... See below hehehe

1. I am going to the restroom.
2. You have eyes like stars.
3. This is really cool.
4. This is bullshit.
5. You really think your smart don’t you.
6. The bees were making this buzzing.
7. I was born in the USA.
8. No Problem, see you later... chow chow
9. We going to die, if we do not go to the store. Do you want something?
10. I am an American.
11. Where is my billfold?
12. MEEEESTER
13. Ok, no, maybe... Well... alright, let me think about it.
14. Let share a moment of our time, show a little compassion for the
plight of the underprivileged. Don’t be judgmental.
15. I am not sure, why I do not want to go.
16. Get out your Lonely Planet, Roughguide, South American Handbook.

MY FAVORITE WAY TO CONFUSE PEOPLE
17. Yo quiero a room for the night Por Favor
with water Caliente.

I am not sure why I am telling you this. A self centered person
will not learn or change. But maybe there is hope.

FIRST - Remember
Not everyone in the world speaks the same language.
All of the above phrases or statements could confuse a person.
that does not speak English as their native language..
My command of the English language is terrible.
But I do try to learn, and very slowly I am doing better.
The first thing I must do is recognize when I am making
errors. These are not errors necessarily but if you goal is
to communicate here are some problems.

I am not good at Spanish, or English.
But I do have a special ability to recognize in another
persons eyes when they understand me,
or do NOT understand. That ability keeps me safe
and helps me travel easily around the world.

But, I am worried about some of you.
Just because you speak English as your native language
does not mean you are good at communicating in English.
I translate English all the time to people that speak English.

Just the other day I was talking to a guy from England with
his Peruvian girlfriend. The girl spoke a form of English that was
easier to understand than the guy from England. He spoke
fast and with lots of slang. She spoke clearly, slowly with no
slang. Hers English was easier to understand.

There is a lot of “Rapp” music or “Gang Banger” type music
that comes to South America. I know these terms are Jargon
or maybe even Slang. But for lack of a better term. I will use
them and hope you understand. There is music that originates
is minority sectors of the United States of America that is
very popular in South America. It has a strong rhythm and beat
and is easy to dance to, but the words are very strange.
I have lots of people want me to translate, and want to learn
English from these songs.

I say,
I cannot understand the words, and I would be doing you a favor
by explaining that this is not proper English, and would only make
your life more complicated.

So.. HOW TO CONFUSE PEOPLE

1. I am going to the “Rest Room.”

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
They will think you are going to your room to rest or take a nap.
It is a EUPHEMISM or a more polite way of saying toilet.

DEFINITION
Euphemism
1. The substitution of an inoffensive term for one considered blunt or
offensive.
[From Greek euphmia, use of auspicious words.]

2. “You have eyes like stars.”

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
If I am not a native speaker. I will probably look up at the sky.
Then maybe I will realized slowly what you mean.
These types of phrase exist, or often are the same in other
countries. but not always. Just tell the girl here eyes are
beautiful, more direct and easier to understand.

DEFINITION
Simile
1. A figure of speech in which two essentially unlike things are
compared, often using like or as, as in "eyes like stars."
[From Latin like.]

3. This is really cool.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
This is Slang. You are saying literally it is cold or cooler.
While you mean it is great or good.

DEFINITION
Slang
1. A vocabulary of casual or playful, often short-lived
expressions used especially for humor, irreverence, or striking effect.
[Origin unknown.]


4. This is bullshit.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
You are trying to tell them, that there is a big problem.
But in reality they are thinking there is something on the
floor. It is maybe profane language or obscene.
An curse word can cause problems.

DEFINITIONS
Curse
3. A profane word or phrase.

Cuss - Informal.
1. To curse (at).
2. A curse.
3. A stubborn individual.
[Alteration of curse.]

Profane
1. Marked by contempt or irreverence for what is sacred.
2. Nonreligious; secular.
3. Vulgar; coarse.
Profaned profaning
4. To treat with irreverence.
5. To put to an improper, unworthy, or degrading use; abuse.
[From Latin profnus.]

Obscene
1. Offensive to accepted standards of decency. See synonyms at coarse.
2. Inciting lust; lewd.
3. Offensive to the senses.
[Latin obscnus.]

Also look up Biblical Profanity...

5. You really think your smart don’t you.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
This is sarcastic or cynical in nature.
These types of implied meanings are not effective
when you are trying to be a little rude, or impolite.

DEFINITIONS
Sarcasm
1. A cutting, often ironic remark.
2. The use of sarcasm.
[From Greek sarkasmos.]

Cynic
1. A person who believes all people are motivated by selfishness.
[From Greek kunikos, like a dog, from kun, dog.]


6. The bees were making this buzzing.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
The word buzz, is a word. But strangely not all languages
have these words that represent sounds. English is sort of
unique because we have all these words for sounds.
“Wham, Bam... etc.”
If you say,
“Did you hear the noise?”
“What is that sound?”
Then make a Buzzzz... They will understand.

DEFINITION
Onomatopoeia
1. The formation or use of words such as buzz or
murmur that imitate the sounds associated with the
objects or actions they refer to.
[From Greek onomatopoiia.]

7. I was born in the USA.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
U.S.A. is an acronym for United States of America.
It is very difficult to know all the acronyms of the world.
Do you know what S.I.D.A is? (Spanish)

DEFINITION
Acronym
1. A word formed from the initial letters of a name,
such as AIDS for acquired immune deficiency syndrome.

8. No Problem, see you later... Chow Chow

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
Extra words... Not needed. Plus they are in a different
language and spelled wrong.

Ciao (chou) interj.
1. Used to express greeting or farewell.
[Italian.]
Used a lot in Spanish speaking countries.

DEFINITION
Extra Words:
This is my definition, and just means.
Too many word is just confusing. The are extra and
not needed.

9. We going to die, if we do not go to the store. Do you want something?

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
You are going to die? Why...?
There is implied a subject here... I AM HUNGRY.
And if I do not eat. I will die. But not literally.

DEFINITION
Metonymy
1. A figure of speech in which one word or
phrase is substituted for another with which it is
closely associated, as in the use of Washington
for the United States government.
[Greek metnumia.]

10. I am an American.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
You are probably saying.
“I am from the United States of America.”
In Mexico and Central America they will correct you
sometimes, and say,
“We are Americans also. From Central America
or North America.”
For whatever the reason they like to correct you, although
I am sure they understand you.
In South America they do not correct you, and will call
you an “Americano”.
To be polite it is better to say.
The United States of America.
( In Spanish of course. Yo soy de Estados Unidos.)

DEFINITION
Nickname (nk"nm") n.
1. A descriptive name added to or replacing the actual name of a
person, place, or thing.
2. A familiar or shortened form of a proper name.
3. To give a nickname to.
[From Middle English an ekename, an additional name, Old English aca,
addition.]

11. Where is my billfold?

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
It is NOT confusing, if you speak my type of English.
But most of England uses the word “Wallet”.
A person that learns British English will not understand.
Words change from place to place.
I use the world pop and other use the word soda.
For a refreshment that is non-alcoholic.

12. MEEEESTER - MISTER

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
Mr. Mrs. Miss. Ms.

Mister (ms"t…r) n.
1. Used as a courtesy title for a man, usually written in its
abbreviated form Mr.
2. mister Informal. Used in addressing a man.
[Alteration of master.]

Just my problem probably. But in all the Latino countries
as you walk by they call out.
MEEESTER
I hate this.
I am... Mr. Jone Mr. Smith or SIR
But never in my opinion. MEEESTER without my last name.
I never reply. If they want my attention They need to say,
“Excuse me sir, would you like some
(Whatever they are selling.)

I consider this RUDE. And will not answer.
So their goal of communicating is not accomplished.

DEFINITION
Rude
1. Relatively undeveloped; primitive.
2. Crudely or roughly made.
3. Ill-mannered; discourteous.
4. Abrupt and unpleasant: a rude shock.
[From Latin rudis.]

13. Ok, no, maybe... Well... alright, let me think about it.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
You sentence is stopping and starting. Changing all the time.
Very confusing.

14. Let share a moment of our time, show a little compassion for the
plight of the underprivileged. Don’t be judgmental.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
Just too much crap.
Better to say.
I have bongos in my room.
Come listen to them and pretend you like them.
Then we can have sex.

DEFINITION
Politically Correct:
I give up....

15 I am not sure, why I do not want to go.

EXPLANATION WHY CONFUSING
If you are saying yes.
Say yes.
If you are saying no,
Say no

DEFINITION
Double negative n. Grammar.
1. A construction that employs two negatives,
especially to express a single negation.

16. Get out your Lonely Planet, Roughguide, South American Handbook.

This implies that you understand that these are Guidebooks.
Or more specifically they are specific companies that make
guidebooks. This would make sense to almost any long
term traveler, but the casual tourist it is confusing
It is jargon or slang of a particular group of travelers.
a.k.a. Hobos (a.k.a. is short for “also known as” )

DEFINITION
Jargon
1. Nonsensical or incoherent talk.
2. The specialized or technical language of a trade or profession.
[From Old French.]

MY FAVORITE WAY TO CONFUSE PEOPLE
17. Yo quiero a room for the night Por Favor
with water Caliente.

For the those of you, that just want to irritate me.
Here is how to do it.
Talk half in one language, and half in another.
If the person speaks both languages, this will work.
But if they only speak English.
Or if they only speak Spanish.

The English words are JUST NOISE to a Spanish speaking person.
The Spanish words are JUST NOISE to a English speaking person.
Extra noise does not clarify a sentence.
Please stop, you are causing stress for me.

CURSES - CUSS - PROFANITY IN SPANISH
I know you want to learn how to Curse, Cuss or
say profane words in Spanish....
Sorry I lied.... I only know a couple of words. You will
need to go to the country to learn how to be profane.


SLANG OF MEXICO, CENTRAL AND SOUTH AMERICA
But... here is something.

If I am trying understand Spanish and I think the word may
be slang or bad Spanish. I will ask,
“Esta modismo?”
“Esta jerga?”
In English..
“Is it slang?”
One of these two words will work.
They change words for different countries, and I am not
sure which country uses which. But try both, and they will
probably understand one of them.

SPANISH SLANG
Cheveri -- That Cool
( Colombia - Venezuela - Northern Ecuador and spreading fast )
Barbero -- Cool, Great
(Argentina)
Crudo - Hangover
(Mexico)
Chauchaqui -- Hangover
(Ecuador and maybe Peru and Bolivia)
Que Onda - What’s Up
( Mexico - Argentina )
Buena Onda --- Sort of like... Great feelings
( Mexico - Argentina )

Slang is difficult to understand. Hard to learn.
And they all may spell it different.

ENGLISH WORDS OF INTEREST.
Here is a collection of English words that are related.
For those of you that have not had enough frustration
for one day. Get a dictionary and drive yourself crazy.

Abbreviations
Abuse.
Allegory
Argot
Cant
Coarse
Coarse.
Colloquial
crude
Cuss
Disgusting
Exclamation
Figure of speech
Formal:
Gross
Hyperbole
Idiomatic
Impersonal:
implicit
improper
Informal:
Irony
Language.
Litotes
Metaphor
Origins
Oxymoron
Paradox
Personal:
Personification
Profane
profane
profanities
profanity
Profanity
Rhetoric
Rhetorical question
Synecdoche
Vulgar

DISCLAIMER:
I have not implied, stated, referred, or narrated
that I in anyway shape or form know how to
speak or utilize the English language correctly. This is for
fun and for those of you who wish to write hate mail.
Please write your mother, or my ex-school teachers.

Maybe it will help you to...
PLAN YOUR ESCAPE...
Be a Hobo, and leave your mark.

X     Hobotraveler.com was HERE!

Life is good.
The Hobotraveler.com

As always, these are suggestions. Please realize I am
giving guidance, and there are always other opinions.
“One mans paradise, is another mans hell”
This way we do not all go to the same place.

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Article written by Andy the Hobotraveler.com
On year 4 of Hobo trip around the world.
Budget Travel, Jobs, and Adventure, etc
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