It's my life, even when I am trapped in the machine. My Life Scorecard December 22, 2014 today, Andy Lee Graham in Orland, Indiana for Christmas.
I wrote this to myself today, maybe a little Christmas gift for me.
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night
Paradise lost presumes that we at one time had paradise, and somehow lost it, generally that we failed, and lost paradise because of weakness on our part. Yet, what a lofty word this paradise, used way too often, too easily as if we are all in paradise. And, how do we know what paradise is?
I suspect it means a place where little of any self-doubt, or preoccupation with leaving, we have no desire to leave.
Many of you realize, I, Andy Lee Graham have spent the last three months in Europe, and it feels as if my paradise travel lifestyle was in danger, and while in Europe, I often felt as though it was going to leave, depart, that indeed I had lost the plot, the path, the way back to my self-made lifestyle; maybe I was lost, maybe I would somehow forget how to return to paradise.
I was frightened for the first time in 16 years, first I made one compromise, then another, next thing I knew I was trapped. Please, I was once trapped by the machine for 19 years, and guess what, that too was my fault.
My Life Scorecard:
24 Years - Age 1-24 -- lived my life.
19 Years - Age 25-42 -- lived the life I was expected to live by my culture.
16 Years - Age43-59 - lived my life.
It would be nice if we could just pretend we never lived our lives, but the scorecards of life are cruel.