Your friends use you, when you accept this is normal, you can discover what benefits you bring to the table and have more friends.
Sun, 27 May 2012 05:00:06
Do you people avoid you?
I think the reason is simple, there is no benefit for them, there is no way to use you, you are not of value.
This is not harsh, this is a fact of life.
In the book, "How to Win Friends, and Influence People," Dale Carnegie in a nutshell explains the easy way.
"Say the persons name out-loud."
"Joe, how are you?"
"What are you doing today Joe?"
People love to hear their name, these principals are the essence of why Facebook.com is popular, it allows a person to put their FACE up, to look at themselves in a mirror. It allows you to celebrate you, it allows vanity to fly.
Few of my Friends want to talk to me when I am abroad, I have no "immediate" value.
I have real friends, they would do anything for me, they would even come to Mexico and save me from corrupt police. But, they truly do not want to talk to me when I am overseas, they know there is no promise of instant gratification.
Friendships with people in close proximity are easy, we can give these people some tangible benefit, it is "cost them money value."
Example: I have often realized, only my best friends will help me move from house to house, they will be be labor for day. That is tangible, real value, that is given, it would cost money to buy this service.
Abstract value, like making their self-esteem feel good is easy, cheap, just start to say the your friends name out-loud.
Learn from a Politician
When you meet a politician, they will shake your hand, glad you, smile, look you in the eye, and say your name, they are personality plus. A politician understand the value of charisma, this should be taught at business school.
Do you know how your friend can use you?
Do you know what tangible or abstract value your friend assigns to you?
I do, and I have many friends, because I freely give value to my friends, and I receive value from them. I have friends where we only play basketball together, and other friend where we talk about the meaning of life.
Reciprocity is what you want --- interdependence.
Discovering how we are of value to each other is the cement that will eventually glue you together and make bond that transcends to the end of life.