I Maybe Search for Equality

I Maybe Search for Equality

“Equality, this chimera of the peasantry, exists only among noblemen.”

Jules-Amédée Barbey d'Aurevilly (1808 - 1889)
French novelist and critic.
Les Diaboliques, "Le dessous de cartes"

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Acapulco - 8 Miles north of the City
Pie de la Cuesta - Playa Luces
Laguna de Coyuca - Barra de Coyuca
Monday, March 17, 2008
Andy of HoboTraveler.com ---
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Chimera,
I never heard of this word before, it means that equality is a wildly unrealistic idea or hope or a completely impractical plan.

Yo Conozo la playa Pie de la Cuesta.

I know the beach Pie de la Cuesta; I lived on and off this beach for a year or so, and got to know many of the locals, the hotel owners as I walked the beach.

The word to know is different in other languages than in American English, it is more along the lines of saying, I understand this beach. Like saying to your children,
“I know what you are up to.”

Pie de la Cuesta is the same as any hometown, anywhere, it is full of petty jealousy and people who wish to be first class. I do not think a person can live in a hotel without accepting the hotel defines their class whether they like it or not to the others around, I find I rent a room, while the vast majority rent a status or class.

I have been enjoying my re-focused view of this beach and maybe I do understand more why I travel now, it is because I search for equality. I search for a place where I fit in, where I am not a square peg that some kid is trying to force into a round hole. I am now 52, I am old enough to accept now, I do not fit in, and never will.

This is ok, even good, I now know some of the reasons I do not fit in and I am closer to finding somebody to talk with… In a way, I think the whole world is searching to become a somebody, and reality we need to accept we are a nobody, then we can be ourselves. I search daily for small conversations, for people who wish to enjoy the day. What I find for the most part is nervous types, paranoid that I want something of them, or I do not want to buy from them, it is weird that so many people cannot just relax and enjoy the world walking around.

I think I search for equality, to be on the same level as all around me, I think the art form of doing this is I need to adjust my status level to the person I am with, and not keep my person status level. When I am with a person that feels of low status, I have to become low status with them, when I am with a person of higher status or they perceive this, than I need to become of higher status. I guess when I am with a person who wants to be of higher status than me or lower status than me, I must also allow them to do this, an annoying bunch of variables.

I do not feel myself to be low status or high status.

I remember as a young man walking through some very think wood on the way to the Fawn River. Mike says,
“This is where we separate the Men from the Boys.”
Scott pipes up.
“I quit.”

I always think of the insane brilliancy of this, when given an opportunity to compete there is always the third option to maybe be magnanimous enough to not eat the temptation, to somehow keep everyone equal when for sure we are not.

I am a nobody, yesterday I was a somebody, now I am a nobody, who somehow knows I must make everyone feel like a somebody because in reality then just refuse to accept they are also a nobody.

I Maybe Search for Equality

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