Bangkok, Thailand Southeast Asia
Monday, October 8, 2007
I am like a person grieving over a dead person; I can feel myself going through all the stages of the acceptance of death. I had or have great aspirations and hopes for Africa and I find myself about the same as the NGO’s and Volunteers in Africa.
- I have accomplished nothing! -
Strange, I am a person that prides myself in doing nothing well, and I continually find myself in an emotional vacuum where I need to accomplish something. There is an inherent need in man to accomplish something, some cultures, for example the Germans are obsessive in this and maybe Africa is on the bottom, lacking desire. I would say I am about 90 percent German brain, and about 10 percent African brain, therefore my mind needs to accomplish.
Accomplishing something is fools gold, what I accomplish is only important in the end to me, what I give to the world is where I will reap my real awards. I guess I know that if I give my accomplishments to the planet, the powers above me, not the weak, however the powers above me will return double.
However, even in giving, we must do it, I must accomplish, we must give to receive, and I find myself impotent in my ideas about Africa, nothing works, this is Africa, and hard to grab a string and pull on it, nothing comes of my pulling. Where is the handle, where is the grip, I just cannot seem to get my hands around Africa and say, yes, this was accomplished.
I think of the NGO’s, the only accomplishment that has obviously been accomplished in Africa is they have scared them into using Condoms. All the other nut case people, are just grabbing at straws, and telling everyone they have wagonloads of accomplishments. I feel it, they just have straws, then again when a person cannot accomplish something easily, their may not be anything to do, I mean, when something needs done, it is easy to do something. I really do not have any idea what Africa really needs, they really have what they need.
I do not think Africa needs help, I would like to do some other things in Africa, however there is a quagmire of cultural problems, that defeat independent thoughts, moreover a person has to become the king in Africa, there is no half commitments. I suppose one day Africa will decide to become parts of the outside world, and they will open the door, and that will be that, their culture will open.Unwinding Africa