People Will Talk Atakpame, Togo West Africa Monday, April 30, 2007
I vaguely remember 20 years ago trying to stop people from talking about me, or being very worried, Why are they talking about me, then there is Gossip, people talking about me,
I asked a girl yesterday, - What are you thinking? - She says, - I am thinking about us.-
As in me and her, I was intrigued as I had watched this girl talk on the portable cell phone at least 10 times with her boyfriend. I was thinking, I have nothing to do with you, there is no we or us. I am your friend or I am trying my best to be a good loyal caring friend.
I keep dwelling on the issue of loyalty lately, my one person was trying to weigh the importance of loyal readers on his blog. The again there was a comment on the blog,
How valuable is a loyal friend? It is difficult to put values on friendship, however in a way, I see friendships weighed in term of time and effort expended for the friendship.
I help you, you help me, then I help you, and you help me and so on and so forth.
Then there is the late night telephone call, I am in Jail, will you come and bail me out. Or the better one, I am moving from this apartment to another, will you come and help me move? That one stops most friendship dead in their tracks.
I was laughing about the girls comment, I truly suspect you was thinking, I wonder how much this White Man will give me, and how does it compare to my Boyfriend. She is trying to make a decision as to where is most beneficial from a security, money and safety point of view, I can relate and understand, I do empathize with her wishes. The problem is I do not think she is capable of loyalty, I think she can be made to be loyal by money, however the idea of just being a friend without money or something in return is sort of difficult to imagine, or in her mind.
I truly do think love can be purchased, and maintained outside the USA, providing you never stop giving money and there is not a better offer given to the girl or man. Men leave for a better, younger model or add another to group.
On the other hand, I do not think you can buy true everlasting love. I think you can buy something that feels the same, everything is the same, except if the money stops, so does the love. I see this in the USA all the time, the man loses the job and they divorce. Or worst yet, the man makes a million and the women divorces him for the money.
I know how valuable friendship is, and I know, if some friends asked me, - Andy come back to the USA, I need you. - I would be on the plane tomorrow.
I do hope my parents and family know this, I keep telling them, I am never more than about 3 days away. I can dollar my way home very quick, the farthest I am away is 3 days and normally less.
What will I do to keep or maintain a friendship? I was a professional negotiator, I sold big pieces of real estate for big money. I need to weigh and enforce a commitment both in legal terms and in personal terms. A contract is only as good as person hand shake, so I do look at the eyes, their actions and how they think, I can weigh the commitments easy and fast.
I think or guess I can look at all the people around me and say at any given second how well they will protect me. Will they protect me or sell me, I am a commodity for sale in some countries. In Iraq, a person could say, I have a man, I will help you kidnap him for this amount of money. To sell a person to be killed is not the normal person ,this takes an exceptionally bad and dark soul.
A comment on blog: I see this as a comment by the friend on my side of the issue. - As a traveler you are in a unique place. Sworn to fun, loyal to none. -
Hmmm, am I loyal to none?
I think this is a little on the heavy side. I see many people as wanting no commitments or loyalties so the can do as they wish. This is travel, there is no more selfish activity than to travel, complete self gratification.
What is the problem with travel, this is the problem, to find a friend becomes close to impossible. Why, because they know I am not loyal, a good friend does not leave. The know and I tell them, I will leave, I can come back, but I will leave, this scares people to death, you are going to leave me. A great way to lose a casual friend.
The comment was located on a post about a situation where I was 110 percent clear on my loyalties to a dominant female. http://www.hobotraveler.com/2007/04/one-dominant-female.html
I was 110 percent sure, I owed her zero, I knew she is dangerous, she would sell me to make money, it is my feeling, I am not going to sit around and test this. I am going to leave this hotel today, she is a safe person, unless you make her angry or stop giving her money, then maybe she will try to get vengence.
I try to keep the techies off my webpage, they can be very vengeful and will work very hard to hurt someone.
I see people who get very angry when someone talks about them. They want to run to the person and say, - Why did you say that? -
Why do people write me hate mail, in he end, who cares, it is sort of fun to hear people think about me too much, and to think a person thinks about me, that I do not even know is sad.
I know this, I am 100 percent sure. If you want to know how much a person thinks about you, do this, talk to a person, then as they walk away, mark the spot on the concrete when they walk two steps. The you calculate the time it took to walk those two steps. This is the amount of time people think about me or you. The two step of time, after the two steps they resume thinking about themselves and stop thinking about me.
There is the floater thoughts, I may have written something and the idea is remembered, to actually think of me with fondness or love, come on, I do not believe you.
Asking favors, a good way to lose a casual friendship, a great way to solidify a real friend.
I sometimes reach for my friends around the planet, I write them emails, up to 10 and many never return the emails, I need to call, or do I need to call? I often wonder who is my friend, I will go home and try to get a friend to come and sit around and allow me the time to listen to their lives, when they say, - I am too busy. -
I try to say, will you email me? The say, - You know I am not good at that. -
There is a price to pay to be a friend, the price is different with every person, I would say I am extremely loyal friend, unfortunately I have learned the bad way who was and was not my friend, and can quicker than normal separate or identify people who are my friend and try to lose the takers from my life, the emotional vampires.
I think good friends for some reason always find a reason to talk. I am amazed at the number of emails I can receive from some of my friends. A never ending conversation of idea and feelings, this is great.
However, I do not give loyalty to a person that happens to be next to me, I do give them the respect of being a human. I do not try to hurt them, even when they try to hurt me.
People will try to take and hurt you, they will try to maneuver you to give them all you have and more. This is the world, this is travel. Then when you are busy trying to listen to a person who is trying to take you shirt, you will lose a friend who needed you, because you was too busy with the stupids of life.
I am not going to edit this… hehehe I need to go look for Hippos, I was told in Niangbeto near a Barrage or Dam, I think there is Hippos, a person says they saw them and described in detail how they dive up and down, so specifics, was told to me.