Understanding the Cadeau Lome, Togo West Africa Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I try to understand the culture of the Cadeau. This is the French word for Gift, however there are many uses and many meaning, it is similar to the word Manana in Spanish, nothing is simple.
West African people will ask for a gift or cadeau more often than not, the better they know you, then up pops the question, how about a gift.
I have now traveled about 4-5 months cumulative in the West African cultures in my lifetime, and I am still totally confused about this word Cadeau or straight out a small gift in Ghana.
The idea of a gift seem innocuous, simple, plain and how could giving a gift or asking for a gift cause harm or a problem. I am trying to think this through, the problem arises because in any or almost all relationships of any type I have had, whether male or female, old or young, the word Gift comes up, and it means so many things.
1. A worker in the hotel wants to borrow my pen, I give it to the persons, then the person says, “Cadeau” a.k.a Gift.
2. I am ready to leave, and my friend as me for a small Cadeau in French so he can eat.
3. I start to leave for a walk around, and the girl workers in the hotel ask me to buy them some chocolate, never an offer to give me money.
4. I am hungry…
5. Where a man is on a date with a serious girl or not a serious girl he must give the girl a gift in the form of money.
I say to a good friend, if I give you 5000 CFA does this mean you will come visit me, she says, “No, I am not a prostitute.”
I say do you want a Cadeau, she says, “It is African Culture, you must give a gift.”
A gift almost always means money, a German man said to me last year, do not even think about anything but money, they do not want a gift, they want money.
Beggars, manipulators, flirting, serious loves, and hungry people, everyone wants a cadeau. I tried to explain that I was American in brain, and culture, anyway you do it, when you ask me for money I feel like you are begging and for the girls, I think worst.
I have burned my bridges here in Lome with one man who I paid to help me find another friend. He is now daily went from a friend, and even a paid helper to an annoyance, and somehow he believe he is entitled to ask me for a gift…daily. I did not think much when he wanted to borrow my phone to make a call. I said, “It is in my room, I do not have it on me.”
He than says, “I need to make a call, let’s go to you room and get it.”
I gave him about 75 cents U.S. and said to myself, he is abusing my good will, and goodbye, not a friend.
There is a cultural difference about giving orders or request here, that is normal, there is the idea that you can command a person to come. A person will say, come here, no please, thank you, or less than an expectation, come here. I am not good at jumping, really annoys them when I just look at them. I do nothing, I just look at them, they then expect me to come, I look, and think, than walk away with no comment.
Strange to me to give a person an order and expect the should come.
I have burned my bridges, I have been too kind and generous in this area, now I will leave and leave them behind, and remember, do not be kind and give a cadeau, or they will never stop. I know better when it is a beggar outside my hotel, I never give, because the person will meet me everyday at the door, and want more.
The Cadeau, the line is fine, between a friend, a bum, a beggar and a girls that works on her back. I wish I thought they were hungry.
I will go to the next city, try to keep all my money in my pocket, not be too generous and helpful, and maybe I can separate the good from the bad.