FAQ 1  FAQ 2  FAQ 3


Continually Crazy in the Philippines

2006-06-24 21:10:00

Continually Crazy in the Philippines

I proceeded yesterday to deal with my friend that is having problems, or going continually crazy in the Philippines.

It is a Rudyard Kipling, pep talk place,

- If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting
too. -

Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)
Indian-born British writer and poet.

I hope that I do wish the best for my friend, and am not only enjoying being a listening voyeur to the story. It is possible; I hope on him the best, thereby giving me the vicarious pleasure of listening.

As a recovering alcoholic, I feel empowered by saying,
- There I go, expect by the grace of God. -

I have not drank, drugged, and endeavored to stop any and all dysfunctional behavior for 18 years, it may be 19 however difficult for me to remember.

Hey Joe,
This is a great false name for the man. I know that Joe has found me, he has my number. I proceeded to try to call him and pay the piper. I just face the crazy and attempt to keep my sanity. There is an explanation of a successful call upon another drunk.

They do this thing; a couple of recovering alcoholics will go and talk with a drinking alcoholic to discuss the solution.

A success is this,
- When you do not get drunk yourself. -

Many people go to save the drunk, and leave drunk. There is something tempting about crazy that is difficult to say no to, it is why I said, this is a Rudyard Kipling pep talk place.

A person needs to
- keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs -

I enjoy the Philippines, it is at the end of the world, and
- There be Dragons -

I called Joe; I did my moral reliving obligation. He was not at his Hotel. I decided to take a break and walk around Robinson Mall for some world-class girl watching, and stop off at the Mini-Stop for a Nescafe Ice Coffee.

Walking along, strolling and observing the world, Joe catches up with me. A little rumpled, a little out of sorts, however a glimpse, he is ok now. I ask him how he was, what is happening, what else�

I say,
- Can I buy you lunch. -
He instantly says,
- I am SKINNED -
(Meaning, I have zero money, complete with hand signs.)

I say,
- Can I buy you lunch? -
Big emphasis on - I -

He stops, settles and says
- Yes -
We walk down to some Thai Restaurant, it has an exceptionally beautiful Philippine girls sitting there, and I am doing my best to listen to Joe. I try to order Chicken Fried Rice in a Thai Restaurant, and they do not have Chicken Fried Rice. Oh well, why would they sell Thai food in a Thai Restaurant. Come on, please God, give me some hold on sanity.

We eat, I flirt, Joe is serious, tells me his complete life story, carried in his briefcase he slept with last night. In the end, he ask,
- Can I borrow 500 Pesos? -
I say,
- No -
I then say,
- I will give you 1000 Pesos.-

He is happy, he made his mark, and strolls away into the great abyss of the Robinson�s Mall, I am hoping, I purchased freedom for 1000 Pesos. Oh, by the way, he is waiting for 300 Dollars to be sent by Western Union to him that he will pick up Saturday or that day.

About 3:00 pm, I walk over to the Business Center to use the internet, however it is closed, why would a business center be open? Please God, give me a hook of Sanity to hang on to.

Joe comes running out of the G-Point Bar, a local type hangout, for Expats with working girls already registered and in tow. I enter after Joe to the bar, and order a Diet Coke, Joe is drinking a Pitcher of Beer, I am sure who paid for it, however I am a recovering alcoholic, I knew where it was going when I gave the gift of 1000 Pesos.

Now, the entertainment when listening to Expats in the Philippines is to hear their stories. They are True Believers, they believe the stories they tell, thus making them more realistic. Joe has already told me about pots of gold, and other fun stories. I am amazed how many times a person over 50 can tell you he is going to make a million dollars very soon in the Philippines.

He starts on a diatribe of things I need to do in the Philippines, I do not defend myself or talk much.

He shows me what he says is 20,000 Pesos worth of African Jewelry he is trying to sell. He sees this very attractive girl outside the door through the window front of the bar. He goes out to talk with her. I think, hmm, maybe he will bring back in what the Philippines does best. I have never seen Joe talk with a girl, this one is exceptional.

He returns, she does not, he tells me,
- I gave here some Jewelry to sell, however she would rather sell her body and do Shabu.-
Stops and say,
- She has a 4-month-old baby she wishes to sell.-

Then talks about an American Lawyers who spent 80,000 Pesos with the girl and blah blah blah the girl. Joe is from Australia, maybe England, it is negotiable and way beyond my desire to type to explain.

I listen and leave, paying penance to the recovering alcoholic Gods, and walk down to the Mini-Stop for a Nescafe Ice Coffee. Joe stays in his office.


Ring, Ring, my phone is ringing in my room. I reach over from the bed, grab the phone.
- Joe is here -

I get up, make a cup of coffee, dress, and walk down stairs. Order an American Breakfast, saying I want the Eggs very well done, and the Bacon very well done. I forgot to say the toast. The food arrives shortly half - Very Well Done - or medium cooked. I maybe should learn to say,
- Cook them two times. -

I can experiment, have them bring them and send them back, my never-ending experiment in obeying. The only way to get well done is to go in the kitchen and cook myself, which I do often to do.

Joe has not received his Western Union Money.
- Go figure -

I listen to a long story; I am eating my breakfast and drinking my coffee. I am keeping a stern hand on any handle that God gives me, you must hold on to something stable. A breakfast, a good movie, or anything normal.

The Facts.
- Joe is an Accountant -
- Joe worked in Samoa and Vanuatu -
- Joe worked for Sierra Leone -
- Joe calls himself a specialist in managing developing nation�s funds and words for NGOs to help them manage money. -

I believe this is the truth. He knows too much to be making up the stories.

I will go check.
- Sierra Leone is number 177 -
- Niger is 176 -

On the United Nations Human Development Index Sierra Leone is 177 or in last place. East Timor is 158 on the list and has a small war going on right now.

Note, the world has as best I can count 312 countries. I do not know how the United Nations ignore this, but they do, I assume they figure, if you are giving us money, then you do not exist.

Joe tells me this story.
- I have 15,000 Euros in a bank in Sierra Leone. -
Blah and blah and many words, lots of noise, he tells me how he cannot get the bank to release his money. He tells me he cannot send a letter here in the Philippines with bank instructions or the Philippines will open the letter and change the instructions, which I probably believe.

The story is good; he has 15,000 Euros in a Sierra Leone Bank.

I repeat the facts to him.
- You have 15,000 Euros in a Bank in Sierra Leone.
- You worked for the Government of Samoa to manage money -
- You are an Accountant -
- You work for NGOs to help manage their money.-
- You worked for the government of Sierra Leone to manage their money. -
- You needed 1000 Pesos yesterday. -
- You did not sleep at your hotel last night -
- You are going to have a job this week. -

An accountant or CPA from Australia or England, who can be certain, White Male of age 55, working for NGOs and Governments of the planet, put 15,000 Euros in a bank in Sierra Leone the absolutely worst developed nation on the planet according to the United Nations Index of developing nations.

He asked me,
- Can you lend me some more money? -
I say,
- No -
He says,
- Fair enough, -
Stands, I shake his hand, and walks out the door.

All the above is true. Except for 2 points.
Joe saying,
- You are going to have a job this week. -
The Bacon was cooked well done.

My only regret here is I did not go and ask the girl how much a 4-month-old baby sells for�?

Continually Crazy in the Philippines

Cookie Policy

We create a cookie when you Log-in. We do not use cookies to track. Terms and Privacy Statement.