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2004-11-21 04:31:00

I have two clocks, one on my computer, which says the time is 6:20 AM, and another small made in China plastic alarm clock that says the time is 4:10 AM.

What time is it, and does it matter?

Today is Sunday, November 21, 2004.


Paradise to me is often found and lost, then found and lost again, but I am positive there is the next paradise around the corner or bend in the road. This paradise is not a perfect feeling, it is very imperfect, confused, full of problems and what people would say,

“That’s life.”

I awoke this morning worried and afraid, not for me, but for my parents, they have a computer they purchase a few years ago, probably in so many ways so they could e-mail me and stay in contact with one of their sons. My three younger sisters and one older brother are connected by telephone, and within car driving distance from their home, so the connection is there.

There is nothing good or bad about this situation, there are no huge problems in my life or their life, but I know I am worried about them, I only have one river of information from them and from that river, I can feel they are frustrated, therefore I am frustrated.

Their computer is a machine, and the computer I am on is a machine, but the machine is too complicated to understand and I cannot fix the machine. If my machine breaks I cannot just get under the computer and fix it, and I personally do not believe there is anyone that can fix this machine. If it is broken, it will not be fixed, it will be replaced. Sometime they will replace the hard drive, sometime they will replace the keyboard, and then with enough frustration I may replace the computer.

My parents purchased a very nice computer, full of gadgets and wingamadoodles that could at the time do about anything, it had 70 Gigs of hard drive in a time when the normal machine was 30 Gigs, and so they purchased a machine they thought would last the rest of their lives.


I convince my mother and father to get a account about 8 years ago, and they are still using the account. I would like to thank for providing them with this service to the world Free, although paid for by advertising the service is Free.

Their computer is broken, or dust as my mother says, but they are still able to write me because they have a free account. I am so grateful they have this account and not a Verizon or GTE or some other silly telephone company account, or or any account they would need to pay for, because right now!

The would be even more frustrated, and I would have to call home to see if they were ok because my frustration level would rise to a level where I needed to call them to feel safe.


I think this is the most basic of human needs, to feel safe, free from worry, that life will be ok today and tomorrow.

I have some music that plays in my head from Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones, that says something like,

“Confusion is the devils only friend.”

So, I guess Mick understood what a God is, or sang about a God to the children of the world. Therefore, to me in a round about way, Mick keeps me remembering that my enemy is confusion and my friend is clarity.

When I am frustrated, I am confused, and not clear on what to do, so I guess I would try to say to my parents.

Go to the library and use the computer for free.

Call up Tom at Computer Corner and if he cannot fix it, buy a new one, stop having every Tom, Dick and Harry tell you how to fix or not fix your computer.


I suppose I have absolute faith that everything is ok.

So I will make another cup of this nasty instant coffee, made from some strange tasting water from Essaouira, Morocco. Some name that has four vowels in it and has nothing to do with clarity.

aoui A O U I

The former name of this place, before some genius changed it was Mogador. I have no idea what Mogador means, I have no idea what Essaouira means, but one I can sound out, and the other I am confused. I say this word Essaouira wrong on a consistent basis, and nobody understands me, so to me this place is the,

“Popular Beach about 170 Kilometers west of Marrakech.”

That is clear and easy to explain, but Swari or Eswari or Esswaura is not, the name to me should be spelled Eswauraw.

Nevertheless, I am probably mispronouncing the word, this is what happens when you try to translate an Arabic word into some other language, and you get confusion.


The water is in Essaouira or Marrakech.

Therefore, there are people in Essaouira and in Marrakech.


I had a Taxi driver in Marrakech sing the song to me, and say, you just got off the Marrakech Express from Tangiers to Marrakech.

I read in what is called the Hip Guide to Morocco page for me, sent to me by Chris…

That the Marrakech Express is from Fez or Fes to Marrakech.

I have a feeling the Marrakech Express if from Casablanca to Marrakech. However, the taxi driver wanted to know…!

Tell me who sang the song?

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Then he wanted to know,

Are they from the USA or England?

I do not know, but I am positive a couple for sure are from the USA.

I say,

“I think Nash is from England.”

I do not know, but a good clear answer and this guy will feel safe, and it does not matter anyway, and if it does you have a control problem and should stay at home where you have clean sheet, that you know are washed, and the electricity actually has worked for the last 50 years, before that I am not sure. But for sure, you have water.

Graham Nash is an Englishman, the rest are American.

Thank you to this Encyclopedia of information I am able to carry with me on this computer made by Microsoft, my Oasis in the middle of confusion!

Therefore, I am grateful to Microsoft for giving me answers, and also to Microsoft for creating a machine that makes my parents very frustrated, what would the world be without a few frustrations in the day help us to remember we cannot control the world. So everything in everyday of my life is both the answer and the problem, and that is paradise.

Life is Good!


Geography - fertile land in desert: fertile ground in a desert where the level of underground water rises to or near ground level, where plants grow and travelers can replenish water supplies

2. place or time of relief: a place or period that gives relief from a troubling or chaotic situation.


Yo, I be a traveler.

I need replenished.

I need relief from a troubling or chaotic situation.


People do not want to read, what they cannot understand, and I am sure my father and mother have no idea who Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young are, but I put up some pictures to make the world happy, because in the end, people like pictures.

But for me, I must constantly work through mentally the mass confusion around me and find an Oasis in the middle of the desert where I am surrounded by confusion. So what do you do when you are a traveler and confused?

Stop and rest, for me that is the beach.

Wave upon wave, small white sound, and warm days, basic instincts like bikinis and walking in the sand.

“My house a very very fine house, with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard, now everything is easy cause of you.”

A mis-quote from Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Everything is easy because of you, I am my mother and father son, and that is good.

“Teach your children well.”



I really am very clear; I need another cup of coffee, and a hot shower. The coffee is easy, but the shower in Morocco seems to be a big problem, because they seem to be short on water, or they would not charge me five Dirhams for a shower. However, an Oasis is supposed to have water surrounded by fertile land. I am sure there is water in this place, but I feel a little bad for them and this idea of fertile land.


Many travelers keep a journal, a daily report of their trip, and this is probably good, because I have learnt that if I keep writing to myself, the other self will eventually listen, and stop asking questions.

So step one today.

Coffee and Shower.

Step two

Walk down the beach.

I will wake up the guy down below the manager to get my shower, he does not wake up at 5:30 and go pray, but he probably does feel guilty as desired.