I could get a grip on the idea that natural is better. I could actually believe that not putting things in your body or doing things that are manufactured or process is a good idea.

What is making me think about this is the loudspeaker or stereo system that is blaring outside the window at 6:30 am in the morning. I am pretty sure I am a long way away from this speaker, but I can hear this quite clearly. I wonder if the God here is deaf.

I was thinking and sure my mother would like to read this page I made a couple of years ago. So I will copy and paste here.


Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

"Desiderata" was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann (1872-1945). In 1956, the rector of St. Paul's Church in Baltimore, Maryland, used the poem in a collection of mimeographed inspirational material for his congregation. Someone who subsequently printed it asserted that it was found in Old St. Paul's Church, dated 1692. The year 1692 was the founding date of the church and has nothing to do with the poem.

DEFINITION OF - desideratum

: something desired as essential

I make a link for this page a couple of years ago and you can send it to your crazy friends.


I have been thinking or dwelling in my mind on where I have been that felt holy or was the closest to God. I definitely would not come to India to search for God. I would go to place where there were not people searching for God, but people that were relaxed with God and did spend their whole time searching.

I traveled about 10 hours by boat south from Iquitos Peru to a small village called Capitan Claviers or something like that. It was a village of 40 plus grass huts on a part of the Amazon River. I stayed in the home of this old man. I was and am still amazed at the whole village because they had no desire to annoy or ask silly questions. The children were delightful and this man I stayed with was completely involved in the process of drying fish and would once in awhile try to feed me.

As a rule of thumb the more people or tourist the less I would feel there is a presence of any good Gods. I think there probably is a few bad Gods… hehehe This means to stay out of the cities.

If you have not notice I have avoided all the cities of India so far. A city is a city, and in the end not a good place for me. There is a fascination by people to go to places of complete chaos. I am spending my time hiding here in Varansi from the Indian people because every time I wall out the door I spend my whole time saying,

“No thank you, no thank you, no thank you.”

Try to get them to leave me alone, and most I am just ignoring.

I am not alone though. Everyone in the Hotel has some ailment or is a little sick and seems to have a reason to sit around in the Hotel all day. The ones that are out all day are leaving today or tomorrow. I suppose this is one of the first place I have encountered where there was camaraderie among travelers in India that was not alcohol or marijuana based. But this Hotel has made it clean that you are not to drink or smoke. I am sure there are a few chimney type places in this city as they are selling Marijuana or Hash on every corner. So someone is smoking. I have found that a lot of people mix the hash with the normal tobacco.


I am now in the “Real” Yogi Lodge and I am laughing at the levels absurdity. There is almost no reason to leave the Hotel except for a journey into dirty, dusty, too much craziness. It is world of mass bangle sales; the bangle is plastic bracelet that is worn by the India people. All this is mixed with various types of clothe, clothing, and small statues for sale and mixed with cow manure. I hate to even take pictures because I am not sure how to explain them, or where to start. It is chaos and the place is very uncomfortable to me. I suppose it feels like death, but that would make sense because people come here to burn bodies on the edge of the Ganga River, and to swim in the dirty polluted holy water.

It is obvious that I am in the wrong place, and the wrong country. I am ready for sure to leave, and will book a ticket to Nepal, but mainly because this is the quick escape and not because I so much want to got to Nepal. I am just ready to change the channel on this lack of clarity. I have to admit that even the British Colony of Palolem was a paradise compared to the world of Varanasi.

They are smoking cigarettes and trying to sneak beer down stairs, with a conversation about going and living in a cave. People go into Ashrams so they can learn to live with themselves, and go on 10-day experiments where they do not talk. Everyone is searching for a spiritual experience, and I am thinking they are no long reading the lonely planet, but are reading the lost planet.

There is a real eerie feeling about Varanasi. I am not sure what to say good, other than you could look all day at the people and you would have a hard time believing there is a world like this in the world.

I took a photo of a dead calf lying in the path. It was completely rigid from lying there for so long, and it was in a very busy place. Like you die and no one cares here and if they did they would only look the other way.

My Hotel now cost 120 Rupees and I have downgraded on quality of the room, and upgrade on social life. But they are talking about going and living in cave for solitude. I think planning to find solitude when living in a city that is so noisy outside you almost have to scream to talk seem logical, but you would think you would come in out of the storm before you made any drastic decisions.

There is fashion to becoming a Guru. I am sad that no one cares about Gandhi. He is important, but there is no one interested, but if you want to go find a Guru or Swami they are all ears. Like there is some guy on the other side of the wall that has all the answers. Like maybe you could find God if you made enough chants, or did the right thing, or went the right place, or maybe held the right Yoga poise for long enough.

I have never had more people ask me if I wish to buy marijuana than in Varanasi. Every 50 meters a boy will come up and ask me if I want to buy some pot, or various other drugs. No matter how much you ignore them they just follow along. I do not like to be rude to people, but I am slowly adjusting. It is not a good adjustment. I have dealt with lots of crazy people in 7 years of travel and I have always treated even the rudest persons with respect and walk away, and I can tell if I stayed here long enough I would lose. I need to hide or leave soon to avoid the temptation to be rude with the people.


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