Writing And Sobriety Is Constant Fear Ignored

We are all afraid, we can ignore each other, or we can ignore fear, make a choice to ignore fear, and life is good, or get drunk on your fears.

Ernest Hemingway

Writing is the art of manipulating people, playing with people heads hopefully making them better people. Writers who refuse to admit they desire to play with peoples heads are poor writers, saying to their audience, “Read this, enjoy it if you want, but please do not be offended. I want you to like me, do not change.”


I could just hear Ernest Hemingway ranting, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” - Ernest Hemingway

Recently, I had a flashback to 27 years ago. For one day I relieved my life 27 years ago, when there was no reason to live. I had used alcohol as way to stop feeling.

A couple of weeks ago, I spent 8 hours getting emotionally tortured in the Fort Lauderdale, Broward Country, Florida jail. I was arrested for a warrant issued 34 years ago in 1980. Go figure! I was not carrying my identification.

I do not feel the least bit guilty, but I do feel ashamed of my country for allowing this to happen. Yes, I am a recovering alcoholic, with a solution to insanity . . .

And do not get self-righteous here. Most of you are brain-dead. You walk with a face of stone, always in control, as if stopping smiles is your goal. Being quick to smile is a goal, looking the other way, avoiding people is fear. An emotional dead-end street.

You do not know the name of your neighbor. You refuse to say hello to the person in the next cubicle. You get on Facebook, and like, and like. When it gets too personal, you run.

You are willing to torture others with anger, rants, and your screams of rage. Yet, you cannot say hello to people you know, or even halfway to strangers smiling at you.

I see you when I walk into the room; your silence is screaming at me. You are ignoring me. This is great, your fear could be contagious, it is toxic; I cannot change you.

I am grateful today to be clean and sober. Today, I am not ignoring the people in my life; I am ignoring the fears in my life.

Thanks for letting me screw with your head; maybe we can get it screwed on right one day.

Andy Lee Graham
Panajachel, Guatemala
Lake Atitlan
El Amigo, Hotel
February 6, 2015

The boogey men are not going to come get me . . . 


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Andy, well put, very well put.

Your arrest is so typical today of America. Cops are inclined today to shoot first and ask questions later (if the other guy still can). Doctors give you pills, and if the pills don't work they cut you open.

Life isn't life anymore in most Western countries. It revolves around fear. Their motto is, "Do unto others before they do it to you."

As you know I too have a conviction. When I use to fly back to the USA, I'd get harassed. Now when I do fly back, and only for emergency reasons will I, they ask me where I live. I show them my rental agreement from the country I live in, and the harassment becomes minor. The last time I flew to the states the police officer who questioned me with the usual formal questions said to me when he finished, "Tell me, are there better places to live than here in America?' I opened his eyes with my answers. He smiled at me and said, “Thank you. I hope one day I get the guts to just up and leave.”

Keep manipulating, Andy, there are many out there that want out but don't know how.


The Buddha said. " You can not step in the same river twice". As I dip my toe into life's stream, I find the my present life in America to have lost the connectedness of my younger years. Maybe it is an old man's nostalgia.
We seem to have paid dearly to maintain our sense of material wellbeing. We have traded neighborhood stores that closed two days a week owned by people we knew for the big box store opened long hours every day staffed by a mix of struggling strangers. What we have gotten in return for this trade off is a hair dryer that is three dollars cheaper. Even that is now ordered online for anonymous delivery. No human contact need, but so terribly missed.

Thanks Jerry, I will keep manipulating, and thanks for the help. Lawrence, how about a profile photo?

Not sure how to do.

a too common point of view from expats... America is amazing and I still love her, just bored with her lol

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