Is Marriage a Sacrifice or Compromise or Soul Mate?

Hi Andy,

What great and explorative post today, i really loved it.

It also arrived at a great time for me when i was thinking about a friend whom i sometimes miss from life.

I had been pondering, to go visit or to not.

Your post arrived and spoke to me and helped me to make the decision that to return would not be a positive move.

"if you make my life unenjoyable, I will leave."

Thanks for your post and your words that have today, helped me to continue in a positive direction.

tokoro from has written 16 comments

Or is marriage simple a form of cohabitation? More "legal" perhaps?

"If you do not want to mingle your assets with those of your partner, then cohabitation is probably the answer for you. For example, if you cohabit, unless your partner has a legal interest in your business, such as shares or a Directorship, then when you separate they will have no claim over your business. The same applies to your pension and your personal savings and the only matters that will be an issue are those assets that you own jointly."

From: http://www.gardner-leader.co.uk/orphan/news/CohabitationversusMarriagehowdoesthelawin.html

But what about kids?

An important consideration...

Cheers, Tim

Gadget from has written 916 comments

All relationship, whether love, friends, or just casual strangers meeting in the street must negotiate to "co-exist" or "cohabitate,"

What is amazing to me is how people do this for 50 years and never stop to think of it as negotiations.

These negotiations are extreme forms of passive aggressive behavior done with extremely selfish with no desire for justice.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PassiveE28093aggressive_behavior

But the bottom line, ask yourself are you enjoying your day, and it the other persons life being enriched or better because you exist?

john from has written 84 comments

After having been married now for 9 yrs I feel I am still a beginner to marriage (I think you need to be married at least 20 before you can have some claim to continuity), but I can say I have learned a few things about the relationship game. First of all whoever came up with the term "soulmate" needs to be dragged out to the public square and slapped back into his senses. Nobody has a "soulmate." There is no just one person for anyone (except maybe Adam, he didn't have much of a choice). The problem with the idea of a "soulmate" is you are unconciously putting a possessive attitude on someone. You start to think you "own" a person and the reality is no one owns anyone. It also assumes that you are fated to be with that particular person, which further implies that you don't have to have to work with that person. Again, this is a flawed attitude. To have any measure of sucess in a relationship you need to be able to talk to a person and deal with conflicts (which will always abound). Compromise can be a good tool in a relationship, but it is not the end all be all either. You can't always be compromises all the time either. If you find yourself compromising all the time, everyday then maybe you need to move on. The way I see it is you find a person who has as many of the same values and ideals as you do and then when you agree to a big commitement like marriage you don't find yourself constantly compromising your own ideals (which will definitinely make you crazy if you do).

Vantexan from has written 11 comments

The sexual revolution is over and men won. Women in western nations think they are free to have sex with whoever with no ramifications. But reality for many women worldwide is sex and children are the bargaining tools that hold a man in her life. If he wants that he makes a commitment and works hard to take care of her and her kids. The romantic story helps get people together, but life is more complicated than that and takes hard work. Comes down to how bad do you want someone and whether you are willing to spend a lifetime working to keep her. And best situation in my opinion IMO is a mate who shares your goals and dreams. If that's a big house in the 'burbs with tons of stuff like most seem to want better be sure that's what you want too as that dream requires a huge amount of work.

You like Bah a lot, but you will not show us a picture of her????

HappyHobo from has written 18 comments

Andy!

You are amazing! I think you should think about being a therapist some day! You have great insight!

The only thing I will pass on is what someone told me many years ago that has helped me for over 22 years and that is, "Love is a decision". We don't always "feel" love for another and in those moments we then chose to love them. Many times I've lost that lovin feeling (remember that song?) and could have walked but instead I remembered that great advice and when that lovin feeling was back, I was so glad I was still there.

Keep praying and asking God, you will have the answer.

P.S. I bought some things from your store and they are great! That was fun to see what you had and your comments!

Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?
-- Idiom<

There's another idiom that asks--Why buy the hog for so little sausage?

He said: I can't remember the last time we had sex!
She said: I can that's the reason we ain't having it!
--Rosanne Bar

as to read in the news got Gbagbo arrested. There is a hope that the trouble stops soon.

I hope so too, for all and our two here.

really best comment
The sexual revolution is over and men won. Women in western nations think they are free to have sex with whoever with no ramifications. But reality for many women worldwide is sex and children are the bargaining tools that hold a man in her life. If he wants that he makes a commitment and works hard to take care of her and her kids. The romantic story helps get people together, but life is more complicated than that and takes hard work. Comes down to how bad do you want someone and whether you are willing to spend a lifetime working to keep her. And best situation in my opinion IMO is a mate who shares your goals and dreams. If that's a big house in the 'burbs with tons of stuff like most seem to want better be sure that's what you want too as that dream requires a huge amount of work.

Pato from has written 56 comments

I say shooting for 51 good is as much as anyone can expect in a relationship. If at the end of the day you want to be with someone just a little more than you don't want to be without them then all of the annoyances and compromises are worth it.

Right on about how the arrangement of marriage and a having a kid provide the impetus for getting along with a partner. Both my wife and I know that we are stuck with each other -- the option of leaving does not really exist -- so we both have the mutual goal of getting along, as this would make both of our live's better. Having this ultimate goal sort of rises above any smaller qualms.

Though I do not believe that if we did not have the kid we would be together -- it would have been too easy to leave -- so we were forced to make compromises and adjust to each other. Now things are pretty good, we both know what we are dealing with.