Marriage Might Remove My Smile
I went to a cocktail party 20 years ago in Fort Wayne, Indiana with a few of the business players of the city. I was maybe 40 at the time, and as normal, the bored, yuppie wives chatted with me, asked me a few more questions than I am sure their husbands appreciated. One astute long blond woman of maybe 55 asked me,
“Andy, why have you never married?”
I replied jokingly,
“I am not sure; maybe I am afraid of commitment.”
She looks deep at me, and said,
Now my joke bit me back… oops, maybe she nailed me, I never thought of it as obvious, but very few men or women make it to 40 single, hard to say what percentage, but I am sure it around one-half percent or less.
(Sorry, I cannot seem to capture the dangerous essense of Bah in a photo.)
I enjoy this smile on my face, and when I think about marriage, and all my friends where are married, I am worried, married people often forget to smile, or lost the ability.
Sometimes it can be said,
“Do not take yourself too seriously.”
I am 57, never been married, and feel that my smile could be in danger, that is probably the number one reason I have not married after age 30.
This may sound strange, but often I believe men get married to guarantee or make a reservation on sex, o stop chasing, and begging for sex. Women, seem to need to make babies, and get an insurance clause for money, they want to guarantee they can have extra cash to raise the children.
Then again, most of my male friends need a mother; they are incapable of taking care of themselves alone.
Learning to adjust to any situation guarantees our survival, and two people can fight off the wolves better than one.
However, none of the factors above apply me; I am thriving, and would only marry for kicks, and laughs, and to share time.
I do not believe in romantic love, which feels to be just overblown infatuation that comes and goes, like looking at a girl in a mini-skirt, when you finally hike it above her head, the thrill is over, and the feeling passes.
I think now about having girls with me that make me feel lucky,
“I am lucky to have this girl with me, and not the one you are with!”
I think of myself as extreme alpha male, type A extrovert, an unusual bird that is willing to look anyone in the eye and say,
“You stink, please stand away from me.”
I do not punch, I do not pull punches, I just talk very open with people, intimate, like they were my best friend, and an adult. I treat people as adults, mature enough to listen to the truth, fully aware that 99 percent of people want to hear lies, the truth is not what they want, they want romantic love, not reality, better to be delusionally happy, than rationally realistic.
Well, I am worried about my smile, I do not want to put it into remission and become like the majority of marriages that seem to be ignoring their hostage, with slight looks of digust super-glued on their face.
I think words are horrible things, people use words to hurt each other, shame, and guilty, and extortion. If people could not talk, maybe just used body language, they would look at the expressions on faces.
It often takes true grit to continue to smile down people, to try to sway them into smiling, if only for a second. I met a girl the other day, I gave her a complement, I think you smile 75 percent of the time.
She was not married.
I am not sure my self-awareness and intuition can protect me from women. I wish I had the money to go to Somalia or Afghanistan, this seems like child’s play for me, but marriage is fear and trembling.
Save me from marriage, send me 5000 dollars and I will go to Afghanistan, I will send whatever is leftover back to you, hmm, maybe 10K for Somalia.
I am suppose to live life one day at time, then why is there a marriage contract, it just seems final.
Hmm, I would rather get married, and then get a mortgage to buy a house, which truly is off the wall, irrational.
We often agree to put a chain and ball on our ankle, and call it love, while emotional bankruptcy in America is worst than the economy.
One day at a time --- One marriage at a time -- I think the reality is Marriage is a rent to own program. Marriage does feel like an installment loan, and if I do not invest properly, they repossess my smile.
I do not expect any of this to make sense; it is the senseless noise of a man who is incapable of understanding the concept of marriage.
Clarity is serenity, and there is nothing clear and obvious about marriage, there is only a 50 percent survial rate.
Bill99 from has written 126 comments
Hummmm, very astute with much fact. Now married for the 4th time I agree with most of this, I can see myself and married friends
in this very easily.
But regardless of any facts marriage does have advantages for men as well as disadvantages. I think most men get married the 1st
time because they are young and enjoy all that good sex that young women have no problem handing out.
Then at some point down the line it isn't the same any longer, be it a few months, years or even much longer and she is contented with her security and kids and family gatherings, etc. He though starts looking around for a sexual replacement and so there goes the marriage and often his security. Now I'm speaking of the average as there are of course many who live happily ever after or stay married for many reasons or stay single like you Andy.
But I was single after my 3rd for over 20 years as I raised my kids as an older single parent. Now adults with their own small businesses and they are well educated and happy and living their own lives, neither married, I became lonely in my senior years.
It's difficult as you get older your friends are married yet, or dead and your social life disappears.
Anyway I enjoy companionship with intelligent, beautiful women so I in my travels met a lovely Chinese lady, 24 years my jr. who met my standards and we got married a couple yrs back. I'm well aware why she married an older man, I met her standards as well so we were a match made in both the bedroom and my bank . . . LOL!
Now I and she are satisfied and truly enjoy travel and a lot of laughter. laughter is the best medicine and keeps you young.
She also is intelligent as she has no problem with me looking at beautiful young ladies but always saying "yes dear" to her.
But then that's just me.
I might add, a "shrink" would have a field day with people like me, others who marry often and you Andy and other lifetime single men. Priests not included . . . LOL.
Phil J from has written 119 comments
Wow there is a lot of truth in what you say Andy. I hope marriage never takes the smile off of your face. Life is too short to waste worrying. I try to live each day as if it was my last. I am trying to take time to smell the roses and just enjoy each situation.
In a way marriage is irrational. And it sure does put the end of a lot of travel for some people. In others it just adds a traveling companion.
I will let you know how mine turns out. LOL