Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete one.
I am single, and I never married, at age 56 I believe married people are happier than single people. Today, I have elevated marriage from a want, to a need, and that is radical change in my belief system.
Maria, a friend in Guatemala said,
"Ellos falta un tornillo?"
And, I am happy to learn it means about the same in English.
"They got a screw lose."
I often take inventory of my friends, and try to loosen the grip of friends with screws lose; the ones that have never-ending list of problems.
Married people generally are delusionally happy, while I can almost guarantee that 90 percent of the single people have a screw loose. Therefore, I will conclude,
"Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete one."
Nothing better than an introspective morning over a cup of coffee.
I am proud of my friends who got married, and I am not sure what to do with the pile of divorced friends? I want to be personable, diplomatic, and honest, with good intentions, and wise enough to choose the correct words. I want my no's to be no, and my yes's to be yes, but when not sure I want to stop using absolute adjectives, which for sure is one of my bad habits.
I guess after all that noise, I should get married, even if there is not 100 percent proof it works. (oops) To be prudent, it feels as if all my single friends are going crazy, and I have no plans to follow them.
Marriage is tolerance, and an acceptance that people have the right to be different while single friends seem rather intolerant. Marriage is necessary or I will probably go insane along with my other nutty friends.
Now, I suppose it is possible to be married to a job, etc.
Marriage is not for everyone. It can be blissful but unfortunately it can also be a pain in the rear.
I think after having been married , now for the 3rd time, I have gained some wisdom/insight into what to do and not do.
First I look back and realize you have to be truly, absolutely in love and willing to take the bad with the good and not seek other outlets when the bad is going on. No other companionship fill ins, no ignoring or running away from basic responsibilities and no blaming everyone but yourself or judging your partner.
Of course there are exceptions as only you can make sense out of depending on many variables. But in general for men learn early to say, "Yes dear, yes honey, you're right dear, right away honey, I love you and not only say it show it with humor, empathy and more yes dears."
The main thing I learned is you HAVE to really communicate and start before you get married. You need to discuss careers, money, children, in laws, sex, politics, religion, friends, hell, even what color the new car will be. Do not forget about retirement if you are together at that age and this is important, which is you and which is she, a day or night person?
One of mine was a night person who could stay up all night drinking coffee, talking with friends, reading, watching late movies, on an on. I am a day person, early day, I like early morning sex she loved early and late morning "Leave me alone I want to sleep."
Know one another before because after is almost always too late.
We all lie but do not lie so much you get caught up in them. White lies are fine to keep the peace and not embarrass but dark lies will end up usually making lawyers weathier.
Now I have a wonderful, loving wife and we communicate on any subject and I say "Yes dear a lot."
We have many of the same interests and the ones that are different we tolerate or I change and I eat better, sleep better and also enjoy better. Now I have marriage bliss.
Now some men will say I'm whipped, no I am wiser and also have more money than some lawyers.
Oh, I forgot to mention, when we are young we have little or no finances, don't really communicate, do more dumb things then smart, etc. but we fall madly in love anyway. No, what we really do is fall madly in lust and that eventually wears off.
So Andy, are you and Bah getting married?
What is it? In the air? A Moon Cycle?
I have a traveler friend in Banos Ecuador speaking about the same thing today. Then I get a email from another traveler blog similar to Andy's and what is he talking about? You guessed it! http://www.wanderingearl.com/relationships-while-traveling-am-i-a-hermit/
But I have to disagree with Andy about a woman making a man complete. I was once told by a sage that a relationship is like a business deal. Sharing each others possessions such as love, kindness, humor and a long list of attributes but if you don't have these and bring those to the table yourself the other person is definitely not going to give those to you. You must bring your own "completion" and share yours with theirs.
Good post! I am very happily married with 6 kids. I think the keys to successful marriage are thus: choose WISELY, be nice (yes even when you don't feel like it) and lean on faith in God instead of on your spouse or you can crush them.
So will we see you engaged to Bah soon Andy? I'm happy for you!
Faith is not that important in a marriage, loyalty is. I also believe the old saw of, "Behind every successful man is a good woman."
Choosing wisely is not generally what is done when young but being lucky in your choice is.
I don't want to "bring the tone down" but older guys marrying younger women and living in third world countries have to consider the quality of life in their sunset years and how easily that life can be snuffed out, if you choose a mate unwisely or things "go south" after the marriage. Perhaps, a prenuptial agreement with the love of his life might have prolonged Harry Doyle's life in the Philippines. It's a sad outcome of the story of a Canuck in Paradise, "When Harry Met Jane"....
"Martin Gamba, a spokesman for the police force, says Jane Doyle and three men in the Philippines have been charged with murder in the fatal shooting of Harry Doyle of Fredericton at a beach resort in Surigao City on Aug. 12."
Unfortunately, this isn't a soap opera...it's drama and murder in real life...motive, means and opportunity.
More questions on the Harry and Jane Doyle marriage-murder story:
The unborn child that is in the mix as well:
"The Philippine authorities suspect the father of the child is in fact the driver/bodyguard, and not Harry Doyle. which leads to a few good questions..
1. will the child be given a DNA test to determine if in fact the driver/bodyguard or Harry Doyle is the father?
2. if the father of the child is the driver/bodyguard would that child be granted Canadian citizenship?"
Some interesting questions in the above post on Living in Cebu site.
Why buy the cow? When milks so cheap...
You're right tokoro there are those who set guys up. I've read quite a few tales of Russian, African and Philippine women being some of the most active at this scam.
Even with a prenup a really wealthy guy can still lose a lot as most of these women are so dirt poor a lot can be a few thousand or so.
Maybe fortunately I'm not real wealthy just comfortable but then again there are still a lot of countries where if we have a house and a car and can afford to travel they consider us very wealthy.
Mainly you cannot jump quickly into another relation without doing a lot of homework and common sense.
I went to China 3 times over a couple of years before I married mine and I got to know the family and friends real well, I also had a new will made up prior to the marriage which covers everything in detail.
But there are no guarantees regardless what we do if evil lurks.
Words of Wisdom Bill99!
Divorce doesn't always mean that a marriage didn't work, it just means that it didn't work anymore. This is OK. Things, circumstances, and people change. Nothing is forever and nothing should be thought of in these terms. That's my take anyway as a happily married may who appreciates each moment where he's standing because he knows that the ship can sink at any time.