Loving People You Do Trust

Hello Sarah,

I think you need to focus on the word "Necessary."

It is easy to see that some people are in love with untrustworthy people.

If you father walks up to a 4 year old daughter, hugs her and then gets angry because he is drunk, then slaps the child. The child will always want slapped. The will to trust love unless they are also slapped, their loves will involve slapping.

Love exist in a million forms, and I do not see trust as part of love, a very small part, I see un-trustworthy people demand their mates are trustworthy. I see people that lie get angry when a person lies.

Asking about trust to me, says you have trouble trusting people.

The solution is to know the bargain, give trust and know you will be hurt, acceptance of this will make you trust the person, and open the door to loving he person without all the conditions you have. I would believe your list is very long.

People cannot be trusted, they for sure, 100 percent will let you down, or say a lie to avoid their shame, they will save face. Saving face and all this honour stuff happens on TV, I would say about 99 percent of the time here in Togo I am listening to a lie or story meant to control me. I just pay attentions to the parts of the story that are true and ignore or squash the bad parts.

If you are afraid of a lie, then I would be in big trouble.

People lie, in the world, almost more than they tell the truth, they all want to look good.

Love people without so many conditions and rules, try to give them love and they will love you back. The first time they see an opportunity to take, they will take, do not allow this to happen. Keep your cards in your hand, do not give more than you can afford to lose.

Expect quid pro quo in a relationship, a relationship is a partnership, a person give you take, they take and you give. Keep track with your small friends, and with children only give.

Andy in Atakpame, Togo West Africa. I do not know how long I am here, maybe 1 day, maybe 3 weeks, this is always the question. I live here, today, then tomorrow, I will decide again, do I want to live here today. May 2007

Andy,
Wow.  Well this one hits a little too close to home to
know how to fully respond to your response, but I
think by saying I am moved by this topic of trust and
appreciate your words of wisdom here may be reponse
enough. 

Although I am not sure about this statement of
yours...
> "I do not see trust as being a necessary need of
love."

What you write later makes sense...but this, I'm not
quite sure I can get my head around.

How much longer are you going to be at that location
and where are you off to next?
Sarah-

--- "Andy HoboTraveler.com"

> Hello Sarah,
> I am an honest person, therefore I trust people, I
> see it as being possible. I have learned the world
> is about 80 percent liars, therefore I check them...
> I am not sure trusting others is needed, I think
> trusting myself is needed, I was having a good laugh
> when this girl here in Togo said she was looking for
> a man who would not have sex with other women. I
> asked if she could name a man here who is like she
> wants, she said she know of none. I asked her to
> telll me the name of a women that has sex with only
> one man, she could not name one.
> I said, then I assume you are not capable of being
> loyal and fidel because you are from Togo.
> The whole culture works and nobody trust anybody, I
> do not see trust as being a necessary need of love.
> Trust issues are about being hurt, a person that is
> worried about being hurt, does not trust, they do
> not want to be hurt again. I on the other hand
> assume that everyone will hurt me or let me down and
> when they do not, I try to bring them closer, and
> allow them to get closer so they can hurt me more.
> Love requires a belief and a willingness to be hurt.
> None of this is important in the end, I find the
> people who love me, never leave me, even if I am
> bad, does not happen much anymore, but I am
> recovering alcoholic and have lost many friends, now
> I have an overabundance.
> Trust everyone, check them and test them, and do not
> invite them all home for supper. I sometimes think
> that people do not trust people are not trustworth,
> but then who really cares, not important in the end.
> Andy in Atakpame, Togo West Africa.
> Thanks for much for the speedy response!  Much
> appreciated.
> I feel like your responses beg more questions, i'm
> very intrigued. But I'll leave you to traversing the
> globe.  Where are you from originally?  I sensed an
> accent in your responses.  How do you afford to get
> around and how do come to trust anyone, for that
> matter?  Ok-enough, I said no more questions, I'm
> not
> going to bug you any further.  :>
> Thank you very much.
> Sarah
> Thank you,
> Andy HoboTraveler.com
> http://www.hobotraveler.com/blogger.html
>                 2007-05-06
>

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Thank you,
Andy HoboTraveler.com
http://www.hobotraveler.com/blogger.html