Making good friends is easy, if you avoid the temptation to talk with with people with bad manners. The lesson to learn is, what is good manners?
I say this, fully aware that many of you are not my friend, but fully aware, that if I listen to your story with patience, good manners, and understanding, we can be friends. There is no limit to friendships except time, friendship requires time, but the glue is mutual respect, and good manners.
We can make friends at the speed of light, with the remainder man principle.
The remainder man principle works like this, you have 10 potential friends, you instantly disqualify 5 of them after listening them, in a blink of an eye, they are dismissed, what remains is potential friendships. What remains is important, not some crazy notion that we are obliged to be friends with all humans.
Signs of Bad Manners
1. (Correcting friends.) To correct others: for example, above I said, “At the speed of light.” It is self-evident that making friends does happen at the speed of light, so correcting me, is bad manners.
2. (Intentions of words.) It is self-evident, that whether dismissing a potential friend today, does not mean they cannot be a potential friend tomorrow. To argue over these points is bad manners.
3. (Quick to label.) Some people are quick to instruct, quick to label, we are not our friend’s teacher, and it is not good manners to quickly annotate a conversation with a label.
Maybe we can leave these words out of the conversation, do a little more work, and choose better words. Just yesterday, I heard these words in general conversation.
Sentences that start with…
Women do this… (Whacking 50 percent of people in one stroke. LOL)
Men do this… (Whacking 50 percent of people in one stroke… LOL)
I am Atheist…
I believe God…
Americans do this… (American sitting there… LOL)
Germans do this… (Germans sitting in the conversation. LOL)
You cannot do that…
These words cause problems when used; I see my person job as to grant people the right to have opinions that are 100 percent different. I try my best to never force my friend to agree, as if they are stupid, if they do not. (When tempted, this is not my friend, I have lost respect.)
I want to hear, generalizations, stereotypes, and even explanations of ethnic behavior this is the essence of a good conversation, this helps us to understand difference in cultures. However, when a person from England is telling four American how Americans behave, he or she has bad manners. Maybe one comment, but repetition of the same ideas is bad manners.
What I wrote above is very confusing, making friends is fun, easy, and rewarding when we start out using our instincts, and asking ourselves questions.
“Does this person have a desire to friends, or does he or she just want me to listen?”
Reciprocity Principle - What goes around comes around.
A good conversation is when we listen, as much as we talk, in the end, a good friend listens, does not interrupt, and does not search for ways to correct another person, friends search for ways to agree, and when they don’t agree, they stand quiet.
Remember, the remainder man principle, often better to think over friendship for a day or two, before making an enemy the first day. Keeping our mouths shut means we cannot argue.
Now, I hope today, and tomorrow I remember the words I wrote today.
Andy Lee Graham
Panajachel, Guatemala - Lake Atitlan
March 7, 2016